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The Encounter

We stood together, alone on the platform.
The Cairo commuter express was on time.
He seemed to be proud in his blue uniform.
It’s always on time.

It pulled to a stop, with its nimbus of steam.
Then in an instant, I was jerked from my daze.
The real world set in as its heated wheels scream.
I shook from the daze.

I stepped on the stair, as I entered the train.
That’s when my heel broke and I fell in his arms.
He carried me in and said: “You have a sprain”.
I was lost in his arms.

The car was entrenched with cigars and perfume
And he carefully set me at rest in my seat.
He gave me a pillow and made extra legroom.
I lounged in my seat.

He rubbed my ankle as he lifted my dress
And my heart went out for this man dressed in blue.
A lady won’t tell so the rest you can guess.
I’m no longer blue.

 

 

 

Author notes

Loose Sapphic Form
11/11/11/5
Identical words used L2 & 4

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Nisaba M.
    November 18
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    I love the way descriptions of inanimate things build the personal tension. Well done.


  • Melodies
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful poem with lines all wonderfully said.


  • second-born
    October 5, 2008

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    wow...I love every details of your poem for you are really good in expressing each and every one of them with sensuality...I think I have an excellent 'encounter' with a master poet!


  • Tirrell
    October 4, 2008

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    Nicely romantic imagery and scenery, eccelent characterizations, this is a most appealing poem, and quite fun to read. Splendid saphic


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well I shall take your choice (and your adaptation) of the Loose Sapphic form as a personal tribute.

    I love what you have done here - a simple, subtle, and sensual narrative. "Entrenched" is a strange choice of word on first reading. On the second reading, the poem is full of little rhythms here and there; the line "He seemed to be proud in his blue uniform", for example, ripples along.

    Merits a "nifty", a "not bad", and a chorus-line of bunnies.


  • echo-ink
    October 3, 2008

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    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK (she squeals) poor ankle
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (she sighs) love story

    This was Awefrigginsome!!! me~um love~ed it, YESSA!

    This one deserves one of my big ole wet and sloppy kisses. MWUAH

    Bell, xx hehehe


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing stuff here. Cant say what hasnt already been said WOW WOW WOW

    Lovely piece.

    Love you
    Passions


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    October 3, 2008

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    sweet beautiful and sensual!! MEOWWW!! Amera is on a hot rod again!! Lol!! I love it you did a very wonderful job sis!! This is fantastic a very excellent write!! I love the way that you portrayed this!! Every detail and description!! This is very amazing!!


  • StarEyes
    October 3, 2008

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    The contest may call for "surprisingly sensual" but from you, it is not surprising! This is fantastic! I love it! and you, being the Queen of Form, this is amazing!

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • cricketjeff gold member
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Rich rhyme (identical words or exact homophones) are hard to make work in poetry, you have pulled it off and made it work superbly, the meter is delicious and the story so cheeky!

    Great stuff, surprisingly sensual indeed!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well he just sounds very gallant and charming!! I'd not be blue after the rest of that if it goes where my mind goes

    Beautifully written my amazing sis!!!


1 - 11 of 11