I went to your funeral,
Looked at all those flowers,
White piled high.
I saw all their faces,
Pale and crying,
Down velvety cheeks.
They were strangers to me,
Which said they never,
Really knew you.
I waited until they left,
Shaking hands and murmuring,
Condelnces like heartless chants.
I looked at the ground,
And bent my head to your grave,
Another dead flower in this field.
A contest entry
- I've Been Thinking (ya I know thats scary) by kistoclou.
900 points, ended November 4, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Interesting
First of all I'm glad to see your view on the prompt. I didn't think about using rose as a name, so nice. However, it was kinda ehh. I just think it could have been better, better word choice, more idk imagery i think. plus a little longer. -
Touching
this was so touching
i love it
props -
Some very original ideas and turns of phrase here. I like the way you make the roses seem human, like mourners and I like the condolences like heartless chants. That's quite realistic in a way because these expressions of regret can seem like formulas.
"Another dead flower in this field" sums it up very well.
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