I shall speak forth my sentiments freely
Without reserve nor fear
I consider this nothing less than an act
But greater than any turning point
In the magnitude of my desire for you
It is only in this way I can arrive at the truth
To fulfill the great burden which I hold so dear
I assure you, our majesty in heaven knows of what truth I speak
It is natural for me, to indulge in the illusion of hope
That I may be given a chance for you
I am willing to know the whole truth
To know the worst and be ready for it
I will not shut my eyes against the painful truth
I wont decieve myself any longer
This is my great and arduous struggle for love
For my part whatever anguish in spirit it may cost
I will endure it all
I know of no way of judging the future
But I can tell we will be alright
I have shown and proven myself so willing to be submissive
I have held my feeling in the most capable resort
I have done everything that could be done
To avert the stormy feelings I have for you
Now I can not bear it any longer
I will never abondon the noble struggle
In which I clearly crave and want you
Never abandon the glorious object in my heart
I may be weak; unable to cope with a so formidable desire
But I know I must fight! I repeat it. I must fight! For you
In whichever way capable of my strength
I am lying supinely on my back
Hugging your ever elusive image
If I am to base enough, to desire for you
It is now to late to retire from this struggle
Their is no retreat but to move forward!
Gentlemen may cry for love but I cry for a chance
What is it that men wish?
Is a truthful life so dear
Or love so sweet as to be not given a chance for it
I know not what course may others take
If they were to be in my position
But, for me, I ask for you; of you
If not, then
Lead me to the ever anguishing paths of misery
Author notes
my bad for the random name its only that I was eating strawberries while i was writing this, and i dont know any possible good titles( help me out!!!)...uhm this is about a person who craves, loves, desires, longs for someone so much, but unfortunately he holds that back keeping all those feelings to himself, but in due time he cant control what he feels and is ready to tell it all, blurt it all out and this is when my write comes to play, he confesses in a "speech" way; tells her what he feels and also if he has a chance...
I really want some "constructive" criticism for this..
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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very good!
though i don't believe supinely is a word. supine though is for a fact. very nice! u write well! -
Good
Not traditional. There are some typos such as "alright", etc. Nonetheless, wonderful. -
I don't know. I read it, becuase I wouldn't mind having a strawberry, but thats another case. lol Amazing poem. there was great rythm to this, i saw a couple of typos, other than that, whoah. This stuck out to me:"I will never abondon the noble struggle
In which I clearly crave and want you
Never abandon the glorious object in my heart
I may be weak; unable to cope with a so formidable desire
But I know I must fight! I repeat it. I must fight! For you
In whichever way capable of my strength"
Sad and beautiufl, but nonetheless, worth loving.
Maybe if you wanted to figure something out for the title, something like "touch me with your tainted love"
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Very nice. I liked it. By the way this is me devilchic if you even remember. I really enjoyed reading this. Great write. Good detail and description. Good flow.
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You wrote this very well. I like the imagery and the flow is very well and it definitely kept my interest. And you answered my one question in your notes... which was... why the title strawberry. Good job and thanks for entering my contest.
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This had some typos in this. Usually I don't mind them so much but this poem has such a nice flow it was kind of distracting.
Other than that this was a real thought provoking write and very touching. Thank you for entering! -
woot
firstly, this is such a passionate write. it brought out your inner love and care for this person. it showed your true colors!
(okay i dont know why i said that, probably coz its just so true, and pure and so right from the heart)
Tho, i feel like this was a little bit, teensy weensy bit, of such minute amount, soooo little bit overdone. maybe thats not the most "appropriate word" here, but you know... just a lil!
doens't mean i dont love it 
and this so "literature" like. as in, it sounds so shakespere (tho u dont have the thee and thou... and all the other wierd words he uses. 
)
there are so many lines here that totally made my jaws drop, they were just sooo beautiful. "To avert the stormy feelings I have for you" and "Gentlemen may cry for love but I cry for a chance" these were my favourite lines. they just stood out and brought this poem to a totally new dimension!
okay, in a brief summary, this was an absolutely stunning poem, with raw emotions, and true feelings! it was penned well. ooh ooh oohhh... and i love the new italian word you brought in. wow, innovative dude! well, you're the master! you shock me most of the time, and walla, this did it! keep penning aight!
~RANJI
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well im not sure. i mean i like it but its not ur best work. it didnt grab my attention like most or ur poemsd o. but thats just me.
*hugs* Tessa.
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