It started as a chance of connection,
into such an unusual dimension,
with an inevitable grace of your sound,
of something that puts me back to my ground.
The very stillness of your breathe,
the stare of your eyes, seethe,
the warmth of your touch,
I never thought I've been long for such.
The irony for something like forever,
is, there would be a possible danger,
cause time will come and I lay my hopes on this madness,
for someone that I know, long forgotten addressed.
Your voice stung my very core,
paralyzed me, till I could only stare at you more,
the lullaby that held me in a grasp,
is also the lullaby that made me fall into a rasp.
A contest entry
- Titles and Options Contest! by movedon.
950 points, ended October 7, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me your thoughts...
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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very nice
life in itself is an irony. Very nice a passionate expression. Thanks for sharing.
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Slingshot Lullaby
I love the title, there is an oxymoron feel to this and like you said it's not the outcome you expected.
the lullaby that held me in a grasp,
is also the lullaby that made me fall into a rasp.
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Hmm, reminds me of my childhood...sitting in warm cabin by the fire pit, as grandpa would be on his chair telling me stories, while it would be storming outside, usually by the buckets; in the middle of this sort of glade - right in a forest. Yeah, and usually it would be very gloomy...so yeah, I would think about life and eternity and yadayada.
This kind of reminds me of astral projection, from this testimony book I read; oh no, i do not get into that kind of stuff; if you now what it is. -
An interesting write. I enjoyed reading it, but there were a few things that caught me up. In the second stanza: "The very stillness of your breathe" I think the word your looking for is "breath" without the extra e. That would change the rhyme there, though, since breath doesn't rhyme with seethe. Also, the last line in that stanza: "I never thought I've been long for such." I think it might be "I never thought I've been longing for such". I think it makes a bit more sense that way =/
So, overall, I think if you just give it a quick read through, you'll catch some more grammatical errors, most of which are just using the wrong tense of the word. It was a great read, though. You did a wonderful job with this piece
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Very good write and flow.
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The deviating scenario of the mate of the heart is sketched in a very sensitive manner..the comparison is very evident showing the truth of the situations..I love this descriptive piece..well done..and thanks for sharing it..my friend...
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very interesting take on the prompt, but I really liked it. great rhyme and flow
mylee -
Slingshot Lullaby
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