her hair was an autumn tree
red and brown pulsing
through each strand.
i was a beating apple
growing in her hand.
the fruit of me wanting
to be kissed, swallowed,
and enjoyed.
her breath, fall colors,
made warm tormenting storms,
inside of me. in our october eyes
leaves blew, wrestling invisible air.
Author notes
critical comments.
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- twist by tara wilson.
2250 points, ended October 16, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
-
I generally do not like a lot of gerunds, but the more I read this poem, the more I like it & feel they work, I tried making the poem present tense and took out the gerunds, but it didn't sound quite right to me=)
beautiful imagery & creativity in your lines...I esp. love...
"her hair was an autumn tree
red and brown pulsing
through each strand."
I like the caesura here in this line...I feel it works...
and
"her breath, fall colors,
made warm tormenting storms,
inside of me. in our october eyes
leaves blew, wrestling invisible air."
the middle section, not as strong, and the title could add a little something new to the layers/situation/moment of the poem, I feel it lacks a bit as it is...
but as a whole, I really, really enjoyed reading this poem, a semi-finalist, for sure - thanks so much for entering!
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