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raindrops.

my eyes glaze over
and the fog shrouds me in fear;
all direction, gone.

I blindly follow you,
listening for your voice within
the deep-set metaphor of floating clouds,
not understanding that you’re irreplaceable.
but my wings can’t hold themselves high enough
and I’m beginning to crash land
into the cold, hard earth
numb and alone.

Author notes

this poem was supposed to have the form of a bottle with a stopper.
it worked alright :S


raindrops
mesmerized--x

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • TwilightDazzles
    January 15

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    Oh this is wonderful. I just love the poetic voice and the personification of rain. Beautiful job. Thanks so much for following the rules and for entering! Best wishes


  • Errant Panther gold member
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    deep and richly emotive that engages one to think about their own position within a relationship. well done.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    -my eyes glaze over
    and the fog shrouds me in fear;
    all direction, gone.
    //
    Ohkay, so definitely loved that ! :] Incredible. I love the whole "eyes glaze over" & the whole part about the fog. Very well constructed, love :)


    -I blindly follow you,
    listening for your voice within
    the deep-set metaphor of floating clouds,
    not understanding that you’re irreplaceable.
    //
    ohhh wow. Amazingly penned words there. You phrased that perfectly in which your words held like twelve different emotions at once. Wowww. I loved "the deep-set metaphor of floating clouds", incredible!

    -but my wings can’t hold themselves high enough
    and I’m beginning to crash land
    into the cold, hard earth
    numb and alone.
    //
    I love how you personified rain so brilliantly. It was just mind-blowing. :]
    Keep it upppp love ! Iloveyou&yourwriting :) ♥
     


  • aanika
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I blindly follow you,
    listening for your voice within
    the deep-set metaphor of floating clouds,

    wow.
    i got this right away
    your personification is amazing emu!
    <3

1 - 5 of 5