Releasing the Pain of Being Numb

My empty core is filled with worthless remembrance
And infinite pain of the lost.
When I sit and think of you,
I can't make it past your kiss -
Your touch.
But why can't I drop you like you've so easily done to me?
I don't care that you've hurt me,
I don't remember the hurtful things you've said,
I didn't realize what you're doing:
Wrapping me in your hand and throwing me to the masses!
There's always more to the story -
There's always a false pretense and a truthful lie...
The blood inside of me is curdled like milk mixed in with too much alcohol;
A sickening effect
Of fermentation
And ripe apples.
Swearing to give you up and promising to hate you
Does no good when I want just the opposite:
Like a lovers lust to a baby's touch,
It throws me in this twist of emotions.
I want nothing more than to taste your kiss,
But it's poison -
It drops me to my knees and makes everything seem so wrong;
So sinful.
But my pain is an addiction!
It's hard to quit and I know I can only feel what I chose:
The pain is everything that makes me whole
And I can't live in it's infinity...
I have to break free...





And I'm starting tonight...