A weakness fills me…
my heart is preventing me
from carrying on..
my legs won’t take the burden..
all good things –
deserting me..
I can’t stand the fall…
I know you won’t
be there to catch me,
making it all the harder…
you leave me here to
wilt in time,
my petals fading,
the crimson to charcoal,
all happiness
disappearing.
No strength can I muster
to last through this journey,
how do I continue
without you by my side?
Only can I linger in
one position
as I wait for your
kind words,
your soft, lulling voice
to engulf the air
and fill my heart,
and make it known
that I’ll be safe
once in your arms,
my shield against
all despair….
but will you be there?
Will you be waiting
by my side
in my most desperate
time of need?
when my world
will come crashing down,
when all light will fade,
bringing darkness to its peak…
will you be there
in both body
and spirit?
My heart tells me the truth
- the one thing I
despise the knowledge of –
the word that will
wrench my heart from all angles,
and tear it apart,
scattering the flamboyantly shaded
pieces of black
in every direction…
And as you walk off,
your dazzling beauty
acuminating..
I fade into the dark realm,
my bloody hand clutching
a razor-sharp piece of
my broken heart,
as the final remains of
scarlet hurt pour from my
perforated skin.
Author notes
Well again, it's just a draft. First thing I've written in about a month.
How is it?
What is your honest opinion of it?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Strong, particularly for a draft, intense emotion and some lovely images.. I don't have any specific suggestions but it should be great when you boil it down further.
Take care..
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Ahhh...this is wonderful! I love the metaphors and imagery. I hate that feeling of completely no control over what is happening and you conveyed that perfectly.
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Thanks a lot!
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i adore this. this is so well written. so descriptive. so honest. That sinking feeling to know you are going to smack the pavement, because no one is going to catch you this time. it's quite unsettling. i know that feeeling; i am experiencing it.
this is well broken up into stanza, overall amazing to me <3
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Thank you so much! yeah i go through that a lot....
thanks!
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Powerful
It says so much...there is an aching and heartbreaking emotion in all the lines...I love an emotional read and you gave me one.
"And as you walk off,
your dazzling beauty
acuminating..
I fade into the dark realm,
my bloody hand clutching
a razor-sharp piece of
my broken heart,
as the final remains of
scarlet hurt pour from my
perforated skin."
I love the way you ended it...chilling and filled with the reality of a broken heart. Great write. mandie
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Thanks for the comment!
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Even though the subject of cutting is WAAAAAAAAAAY overdone, I didn't know that's what this was about until I read the end. I hope you're not hurting yourself, sweetie... If you are, know that I'm always here for you
Ditto if not! Well done, and I look forward to the finished product!
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It's weird.....I actually didn't mean for it to be about cutting..I didn't even think I put that in...lol.
No I'm not hurting myself....learnt from mistakes. Thanks for caring Laura!
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Good for you
Mistakes are only mistakes if we don't learn from them
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