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Call of the Crows

My beloved has gone
and taken my sanity.

She left with the sun
taking my sober days.

Leaving me nothing but old age
and sad days.

She wilted away like the
roses of yesterday.

Leaving me to blow away to
a forgotten memory.

So I lay here now
under the stone
where the fresh air never blows.

The only comfort for me now is
the long sad call of the crows.

Author notes

A fictional tale of loss.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Mosesthelastsamurai
    December 2, 2008

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    sad but great

    this piece was sad and it touched a spot in me that i never can put into words.losing someone definitely takes air from your lungs.i think thats what
    "So I lay here now
    under the stone
    where the fresh air never blows"
    means.i've felt this way its hard to bounce back from that.another great read


  • feetus
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well constructed! Great title, great opening stanza & the last two stanzas really bring it all together.
    "So I lay here now
    under the stone
    where the fresh air never blows."
    That's brilliant.
    I like your style thanks for sharing


  • penman gold member
    October 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very well done. a great creation for the theme. Best of luck in the contest.


    • badnovocaine
      October 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Haha thanks for the comment.
      I dont think the judge really liked it though, i'll be surprised if i get anything
      I appreciate comments thought, so thanks.


  • catalyst.
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The ending was wonderful.
    However, I was a bit confused by the rhyme. It rhymed sometimes and other not. It through me off a bit but thats just my opinion.
    I loved the story about a person stealing sanity. Someone finding comfort in the call of the crows.

1 - 5 of 5