Floating safely above,
One sees what is forgotten.
Dirty claws ripping savagely;
Innocent flesh torn.
Inside little ones scream -
Pain they have felt before.
Wide-eyed they stare,
Frightened of what is to come.
The beast’s breath decayed and hot.
His movements rough and callous.
Like a ragdoll lying motionless;
Her blood the only sign of life.
Humiliating words impale her soul.
Wishing death quickly upon herself;
Knowing she is shattered and impure.
The beast finishes with a snarl.
Mirrors reflect innocence lost;
A shell of a body filled with lost souls.
Not knowing where to turn -
Curled into a fetal position, rocking steadily.
Author notes
P A L O S Z O O
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b104/TheSexiestSnail/Guilt_by_Temujins_Lilith.jpg
2. Write a poem about a traumatic experience you've gone through. You can either tell me what happened, or tell me how you have got over it, or haven't been able to. -Prewrites allowed-
In a list
- Gold • next in list
- HM's • next in list
- Abuse • next in list
- Silver • next in list
- Dark • next in list
- Bronze • next in list
A contest entry
- Damaged Goods by nansie.
900 points, ended October 18, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Scars Of Memories (Victims of Rape and Abuse)... by voodoo ink.
875 points, ended November 20, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anybody want to join me for a contest by mizzamerica91.
490 points, ended December 22, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abused??? Let it known! Scream it out, tell the world about it. by starving-to-survive.
1700 points, ended February 3, 99 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abuse, Death, Pain by psychomonkey.
550 points, ended October 29, 146 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE ABYSS, THE DARKNESS, THE UNKNOWN by WillAlwaysLove.
1100 points, ended July 6, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1070 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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Amazing! Your description and atmosphere are wonderful. You really put across the texture of this 'story'. The rhythm of the poem seems to be like a wave that picks the reader up and sweeps them on with it. Amazing. Thank you for sharing and thank you for entering my contest. Good luck and keep writing. Superb job.
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Incredibly written piece. Deep, dark and sad. Your words draw the reader in, wanting to know what you will write next. I loved it. Thank you so much for entering my contest. The best of luck to you. Blessed Be.
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this is a great metaphor-poem for abuse. there is some very intense pain behind these words. thank you for sharing.
good job.
good luck. -
So very sad and dark, wonderful imagery and so much emotion that it makes this hard to read as all poems of this sort are. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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The beast’s breath decayed and hot.
His movements rough and callous.
Like a ragdoll lying motionless;
Her blood the only sign of life.
Humiliating words impale her soul.
Wishing death quickly upon herself;
Knowing she is shattered and impure.
The beast finishes with a snarl.
great imagery here, good job and good luck in the contest! -
wow, this was such a beautifully sad write. I loved the words that you used to describe and to paint a pictures in my head. Thank you for entering
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Im afraid you have this poem in too many contests when i want to award some one who hasnt won anything. GOOD WRITE THOUGH.
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Wow, this is amazing. The emotion her is just incredible. This is a very powerful write.
I can relate to the feelings here so well.
You have a lot of talent and if this is written about you then i am so sorry you have had to endure such pain,
I can relate and comprehend your words as if they are my own. Your feelings here are so much like mine it is scary!
Thank you so much for entering my contest -
uhhhhh...
this makes me feel funny inside....uuh....whoa...thanks for entering my contest. you have talent. -
Wow, the imagery in this is amazing. Very powerful stuff and quite disturbing lol this a great poem.
'Humiliating words impale her soul.
Wishing death quickly upon herself;
Knowing she is shattered and impure.
The beast finishes with a snarl.'
I particularly like this part, it's very easy to relate to if you've been through this.
Thank you for entering
x x x
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weird but good, i like the choice of words you used, thank you for entering my contest and good luck
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i hate how good people always end up getting hurt. its horrible. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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These people that do this to innocent people make me sick and I hope to God that they end up being punished, in one way or another.
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Mmm... this is wonderful. My absolute favorite line is "Her blood the only sign of life"
It is so perfect because normally when blood is there the person is either dead or near death. This almost contradicts itself, and I love it. (not sure if you intended it that way).
the only thing I didn't like was the last line. It is good, don't get me wrong, but I just feel that it is too lengthy compared to the pattern of the poem... You know what I mean?
Thanks for entering! -
The scars we bear
Those that would own us will never do so. We will fight in our minds, we will fight in our hearts. Our struggles will one day save us. Well done, thank you and good luck. -
Wow. This is a good poem, and i feel its partly because as i was reading it, i thought it oozed sensitivity, and not because of the subject of the poem, i dont know why, but thats the feeling i got. I love how you use the beast to describe the actions and noises of what is happening, because in a way the person does become a beast.
My favourite line is:
"His movements rough and callous"
Chilliing to the bone.
Great write,
good luck in the contest,
Devon
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The mind of a rape victim is sad and filled with guilt, partial self-blame, blame the world, dark, and mistrusting...I know as I am a survivor...
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This is a very good write.. Keep up the great owrk and good luck in my contest!!!
Shannon*Leah -
A very interesting write. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
You did however forget to mention "the isty bitsy spider climbed up the water spout" in your AN. You'll understand why if you read the entire contest page
Thank you. 
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WOW, this is.... simply mindblowing. WELL DONE, and thankyou so much for entering this.
~*~DramaQueen469~*~ -
This is sad and scary. I loved it though. Good job.
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Well, this is scary as hell, but so well written!
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The beast’s breath decayed and hot.
His movements rough and callous. chilling!!
OMG you have really given a dark sad write here sis
Best wishes in the contest
Julie
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Brilliant
Thank you for entering my contest
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Reminds me of a commercial I've seen recently for a depression medication. It asks, "Who does depression hurt?" and shows all kinds of people ... it is like a beast and it hurts everywhere.
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Oh Kim, I had no idea... You're not impure, never impure For all the good in the world that you do, with your zoo and all the creatures in it; spreading sanctuary and safety to those who need it ... you're a wonderful person
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impure.
It is not loss of purity nor innocence...
your heart and soul was not in it. Just remember that...
I feel the pain here.. one must experience such to really know how it feels... the horrid memory will never leave..it can only bury itself deeper under your skin...
Thank you for the secret We share in some aspect. -
Wow, awesome work. This is just so sad and scary. I love the way you have used your words, its so deep.
Thanks ever so much for sharing.
Dani. -
Mirrors reflect innocence lost;
A shell of a body filled with lost souls.
Not knowing where to turn -
Curled into a fetal position, rocking steadily.
I loved this last stanza...very descriptive way to finish this.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
An awesome write here
This is penned very well and brings the muse within a feeling of being watched . Bravo
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wow, what a beautiful, and emotional write, the hunt from a different view, nice and dark, I enjoyed this piece very much.
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I think you justified the entire sport of hunting (or at least some of it's facets). What a write! It did well conveying the brutality of the aggressor, as much as the sense of loss in the victim. I hated reading it, but read it to the end anyway...very compelling.
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This was just fascinating. I loved every word. You did a great job with this piece. Best of luck in the contest.
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amazing
very nice work i loved it with all my heart keep up the great work.... -
Whoa!!!
Now this is what I call DARK!
I'm glad I'm on a narcotic for pain & am reading this early enough not to effect my dreams...'cause this is deeply intense, visual, with great metaphor & is disturbingly wonderful in write. This is my least fav form, but you did this magnificently! 
From start to finish this is so cohesively written & the last stanza is such a fitting conclusion:
Mirrors reflect innocence lost;
A shell of a body filled with lost souls.
Not knowing where to turn -
Curled into a fetal position, rocking steadily.
The last line in particular is such an apt description of the pix which ties everything up in a neat dark package!
You are an amazing writer dear one! 
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This really is so rich in details, leaving the mind with a horror mini movie of sorts. Great word play without a doubt! Best of luck in the contest
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Vivid imagery--Dark & forboding--Excellent flow of verse.
Creative and constructed with an abundance of imagination.
Very well done!
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Impressive
This is impressive. A good Halloween tale. It is dark and cruel. It almost hints as a metaphor for a rape which would be very sad. -
Damn
This was certainly dark! very engrossing story though
great imagery here my friend! lots of luck in the contest.
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Thanks for your comment on this very personal write, my friend!
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