Bright-light
Ghosts,
Litter
Night skies,
Brilliance
Born and buried
Burning still.
The fiercest torches;
A trick of time and dust
And matter,
Fuelling dreams and hearts
Though empty husks.
Perhaps
Galaxies chasing
Rainbows
Along secret rivers
Darkly flowing,
Recall some ancient
Map of stars.
Some long lost
Passage,
Dimly lit
Yet yearned for
Still.
A contest entry
- Dark Flow by giggety.
1750 points, ended October 11, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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i like the way you went about establishing the mood in this with words of light and dark intermixed. i particularly like the closeing image - some long lost passage dimly lit yet yearned for still. bravo.
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on i read the other entries and not to be biased, but i feel urs shouldve at least came second. this is just a great piece and awesome how u can put the words together. is this hard to do? i wonder how long it takes for u to write a poem
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Not bad. Definitely took a second reading to come to more of an understanding with this one. I really like the visuals of the phrases "fiercest torches", "along secret rivers darkly flowing". The form feels a little broken to me and makes the read a bit choppy, but I like the mental visual play of the piece.
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thank you
I write mostly to be read aloud, and I guess sometimes the translation to the page is tricky. Thank you for reading and a cool prompt.
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excellent expression
You have created a quiet, eerie mood, with your words. I like the double spacing, as it adds to the suspense of the message in your poem.
Good luck in this contest!
Jeannette 
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Intense. It grips the reader well in a rapid kind of darkness that is still.....illuminated- if that makes any sense...
I agree.. whether you meant it to be, the concepts addressed here still sound hopeful somehow. Commenting is not my strength recently and my fingers are literally slipping through oil here.. but I should just say I quite love this.
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I liked this honey. I think there;s a sense of hope, even in the darkness you've created. I think this is worth five or six reads before finally saying woow! That's something else!
I wish you the best sweetheart,
love,
jin
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