I suppose I was trying to mark my words in blood
Forcing harmonies into measures where they do not consist
Evaluating each pluck of a string individually
Unaware that my melody had grown discordant
I was trying to etch my name into a tired violin
hoping that the object would somehow convert my pain
that it's angelic notes would play themselves
that I would never have to bloody my hands
on the stale, brittle strings
Staining the oak headboard red
I did not realize my acts were a double-edged sword
bringing euphoria to me and hell to you
I did not realize that I was marring your symphony
bringing schreeches from the demon's voices
I beleive to be angels.
Reducing my masterpeice to an insanity's ramble
I believed I was creating a work worthy of Davids harp
One rivaled only by the compositions of Mozart
one that could free your heavy broken heart, and mine
but now my insolent mind has realized
this was no Hallelujah chorus
Simply a pessimal collection of sour notes
Author notes
catseye
my 2nd freewrite
A contest entry
- contemporary emotional personal poetry♥ by etoile.
575 points, ended October 19, 2008, 46 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
criticm welcome.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
this was amazing! I loved it a lot.
it was very well written. and the imagery was beautiful.
the first two stanzas were my favourite. you had a very strong beginning which captivated me and made me want to read more.
beleive -->believe
Halleluiah --> hallelujah
this was wonderful. I loved it.
thanks for entering and goodluck
-
the opening lines just captured me, no need for the rest even though it was equally brilliant ! lol you have a talent :]
-
How long have you been writing poetry? this poem is great I love everything about it the imagery is fantastic; i love the end "This was no hallelujah chorus simply a pessimal collection of sour notes." amazing.
-
great imagry in this one, it put an amazing twist to a normally beautiful instrument
"Reducing my masterpeice to an insanity's ramble"
that line for some reason really hit me, its a sad day when master pieces wash away and the true picture behind them show
-
sorry, but your has to be less than 40 words.
I'm gonna have to DQ. -
-
ok sorry, that was rather stupid of me. lol
-
-
haha it's alright.. you can always enter a different poem if you'd like
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
