I'm writing these thoughts down
so that later they won't spill out,
crawling from my mind,
like unfamiliar insects
scratching softly and spitting out
their poison.
I feel that my soul is starving,
aching,
from everyone I've ever known
that's taken something from me
or unjustly blamed me,
or given me up to high exultations,
just to cruely rip me off;
like wax paper.
And how, when they outgrow me
or find someone just the same,
they dispose of me messily
leaving me a little less wise,
a little less cool,
a little less strong.
A contest entry
- Prewrites!!! Come take a look! by CentrifugalCorpse.
1250 points, ended September 7, 2009, 212 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think/ criticism more than welcome :)
Comments
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This is a beautifully written poem that's not too imperious. It gets your pain across perfectly and is relatable by the readers. At least I can definitely relate to it. You've done a great job with this!!
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I can feel this so closely it's like it's inside my own head. You've pieced this together like a brilliant puzzle. Nothing too overwhelming, just simple truth. Well said.
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I like this..it's not overbearing or complex.(not that complexity is a bad thing)...it's just simple, honest, and relative. I think sometmies people get a little happy with the thesaurus and ruin a good thought. The pain is clear and moving. Great write!
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Wow!! This is deep!! I can feel the pain and the emotion behind this write!! We all have to express our feelings sometimes!!! You did an amazing job!!! Great details and descriptions!!! This is truly well written!!
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