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Mighty visions little pleasures...(Mountain)

Take me on oh! mightier one,
I have visions to unfold thru the sky
you might just be mightier but than,
I can hold you in the pupil of my eye...

You might confront me with a striking pose,
Not long before I can walk through you
and cherish you like the fragrance of a rose
As a true warrior still, I admire your value...

You know not what my will can achieve
As a snail can cross continents on its own
So will I humble your tribes for my reprieve

I take with me the glory soforth unknown...

 

Sunny

Author notes

"Let the spirit of human mind challenge every mountainous obstacles with a brave heart"

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, that i all i can think to say here is wow, i liked it it was golden, keep it flowing. and i look forward to more.


  • JePeTto
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Let it flow out of your heart through your brain, with those Together they'll know exactly how to put it when the time comes.

    I like how you left each stanza open like it is, and the flow lets it come out and wrap up at the end of it all.
    If there was one thing I would change though is maybe work out the rhyme scheme because right now (I know it's not, but...) it looks like it starts with sky, eye, which is the 2nd and 4th line. Then you have pose (1st) and rose (3rd) then you bring it all together at the end with achieve (1st) reprieve (3rd) then own (2nd) and unknown (4th). I like that system but it's just a bit 'choppy' at the beginning, that's all.


    This is a good write, I enjoyed reading it a couple times before coming down here.

    Keep writing, please.

    -M.L.K.


  • silverscent gold member
    October 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Your prompt is "mountains" taken from http://allpoetry.com/poem/3243846