Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

[ A melancholy, pastel striped curtain ]

A melancholy, pastel striped curtain
is all that seperates me
from the sobs of the woman in the next
bed
while my mother lies
encased in gravol-induced slumber.

The roses by her bed have opened,
they will die soon.
The TV screen in blank-
no reason to rent it.
My only company is the machine
that assures me my mother
has a heartbeat
and that it is almost
9pm.

Everything within reach
is plastic,
in mute colours,
with rounded edges. 



Feedback?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The details in this poem hit hard - I can feel the tragedy implied in this short write. Poignant and potent.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What I enjoyed about this piece is how real and raw it is. I love poetry such as this. Nicely done.


  • stylization
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is really sad. I can feel your pain here, and the emotions are raw and painful. But there isn't much imagery to it. There isn't much I would change in the way of grammar, except for a semicolon in place of a comma after "the roses by her bed have opened." I like it, though, it's really sad and I hope your mother finds peace, in one way or another.


  • Walking Oxymoron gold member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That's sh1t!

    Really bad!

    (The circumstances, not the poem.)

    I liked the poem, it's so melancholy.
    What is gravol??
    God, I feel for you. Especially knowing this could be me...

    I don't know what's up wit your mum, but I hope things get better soon.....

1 - 5 of 5