So many nights of lost sleep
Staring at a dream catcher
It served it's purpose, no nightmares
But no dreams either
So tired the moon seems closer now
If only I could sleep, but how?
These nights so cold and lonely
laying awake in delusions
No thought but a question
Why am I left with only illusion?
So tired the moon seems closer now
If only I could sleep, but how?
This catcher of dreams
Oh how it seemed to be
An answer to the horror in me
But as I now see
It was just fallacy
A panacea for my
fear full reveries
So tired the moon seems closer now
If only I could sleep, but how?
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I really enjoy the second to last stanza, how the last words bounce together.
Great beat to it.
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I like this a lot. Loved the first stanza and the rest wasn't bad at all (not quite as good as the first stanza to me, but solid.)
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such brillaint wording and imagery, extremely good poem
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The first stanza set the picture quite well, i then become abit lost in the second, this could actually be polished just a bit more and maybe elongated into 3 or four stanza piece. clarity, clarity clarity S1 the clarity ois there, S2 not so much
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fixed and elongated
Thank you for your advice.
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I
the first stanza.
The second stanza is good, but a little awkward. I think it might read more smoothly if you add a subject "I take." Also, add the article "the symbol....downfall" or take out the second symbol completely: "The symbol of my discontent/of my downfall" I'd also add an "And" before the first "Destroy" to separate the verb from the adjective.
Nice imagery though. I like it!
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Unique.. and I imagine, quite intense. I like your take on the title.
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