I suppose it's not too much to say
that I exceeded all expectations
you had of all us kids:
I completed my B.A. in History,
work hard at home for the family,
and managed to avoid most,
Most of our family's shortcomings:
Alcoholism, domestic violence, etc. -
I've managed to avoid all but one.
I've let you down; I've failed you,
it's true: I've started smoking,
something you'd pray I'd never do.
I can explain quite easily why:
it's my nerves, my anxiety...
and all of my life, I realize now,
That I always enjoyed certain
cigarette brand smoke; and it always
was during times when I was happiest.
At Kimmie's, Randi's; it never bothered
me - I actually enjoyed it; but for years,
despite temptation, especially at reenactments,
I've avoided trying smoking, and only
because I knew it hurt you - your asthma,
your painful memories of family dying,
Dying of black lung from coal mines, and
chain smoking...I never wanted to cause
you pain, or bring shame in anyway to you...
I've prayed, I've upped my meds, I'm trying
to work with my doctor to stop this craving
I have to smoke cigarettes to reduce anxiety.
I just wanted you to know that I love you
and respect you; and no matter what happens,
if I can stop or no - it's my choice, and
Not your fault at all. I'm sorry, truly I am.
I write this with tears in my eyes because I
can't take anymore stress - especially because
I know I'm gonna catch flack from the family.
But until I can kick this, I want you to know
that I will keep this from affecting your health
In anyway - your house, your rules: I will not
smoke inside the house, or the car, or near you...
God grant me strength to nip this in the bud.
Author notes
Please love me still...love me do.
In a list
A contest entry
- Free Verse Frenzy (Prewites Only) by poetryality.
925 points, ended November 3, 2008, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Prodigal Daughter by Rogue-Poet.
900 points, ended November 21, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns by Beautiful-Mistake.
450 points, ended November 9, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
In my midnight confession...
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
honest heart you have..
what a secret. Such a small yet... significant secret.
you seem like a strong good person. But hun, everybody needs a release... just find a new one if you must. -
I'm sure your dad loves you no matter what you do. My dad smokes as does my sister and my nan so I am always around smokers, and they forget to not smoke around me, whereas yours fineshed with you'd never hurt his health by smoking around him.
I hope you manage to stop
-
This poem reads as if it must be true. All the pain and sorrow, shame and regret, is right THERE. I did find the stanza breaks somewhat awkward, but the intensity overcame that small hitch. If this is true, I wish you strength of will to fight your demons.
-
-
So do I, my friend, so do I.
-
-
You translated your emotions into words wonderfully in this poem
The only thing that through me off(may just be me being finicky) was how the sentence would stop in the middle of one stanza and continue in the next.
I really loved the last stanze I think it summed up the poem great.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
