I'm sorry.
Time has cheated us
looking across a bleak desert
knowing it was once a vast ocean
twirling and crashing around us
numbing our senses with salt
giving the vision of a blurry and blinding love
Who knew that we were burying ourselves?
Digging deeper in the dirt as we stared
lovingly at the mountain we had amassed
Unaware of the rain threatening to drown us
in our graves
You were like a foggy mirror.
I've pressed my palm against you leaving
a dim reflection, fading with the steam in hopes
of a clean slate. Unless I press my lips to the mist
and breathe.
I was playing your heartsrtrings,
trying to fit them to my waltz
I was not aware that they were sandy and brittle.
As I stretched they broke into a million sour notes
encasing your requiem
I grasped your paper wings so fervently
convinced they would hold us both
I sent us both tumbling to the ground
I broke your beautiful wings
and your beautiful smile
I was trying to pull you out of the storm
only to find my heart chained to the bottom of the abyss
pulling you under the dark waves
simply to have comfort in my misery
I was trying to warm you with my icy hands
unaware that I was freezing myself
Morphing us both a shade of cold to match the world around us
Situating into Ice statues walking through time square
I'm trying to put this in terms we won't regret
I’m evanceling through the dark corriders of my mind
Lighten only by fickle broken candles
Trying to find the words
“I’m sorry I brought you with me”
Author notes
2)Heartbreak
one of my first freewrites
A contest entry
- Not for the Weak. (Six for luck!) by Curious LiLi.
452 points, ended October 13, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
criticm welcome.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is a very nice write tho I don't see how it has anything to do with the prompt. Thanks for sharing this with us tho. And thanks for entering it into my contest. It is a nice read.
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Thank you for your beautifully expressed entry, Josie
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hmm i no ive commented on this poem b4 but i read it again an realised how great it is :0 keep writin, never stop
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'As I stretched they broke into a million sour notes', amazing....just that one word lol :]
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that was full of great imagery. Love how you talk about dragging them down in the ocean.
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Is this really one of your first, I think its brilliant and you should never stop writing.
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The imagery is simply beautiful! It tells a sad love story, too deep to go unnoticed. Lovely.
Thanks for entering! -
For one of your first free writes, this is really good. You conveyed your emotions very well and have some excellent imagery in this piece as well.
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um... for some reason this isn't in my contest anymore...
But it is super good!
I love the way you tell the story and the metaphors -
WOW!
this deserved more than 3 -
wow, spechless, this is one of the best ive ever read, imagry, sensory, i couldnt stop reading
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I really love this. Very metophorical- beautiful descriptions, and exceptionally well written! Paper wings, I love that- they couldn't hold, bringing both down. I really really enjoyed this read. It was sadness brought into beauty and pain- WONDERFUL
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ooo i like this one
it;s a good freewrite
thanks for entering and good luck
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