should The Spindle spare my fingertips
the needle spare my spine
should the pourer spare the wits he drips
should something once be mine
the blackest white
of lies tonight
could lure me 'cross the line.
might words come through
the sounds we chew
might answers fill the space
might things
with wings
parade as true
then melt a metal face
I think I'd find there is no place
in which to keep what's found.
the lights are laced
with souls disgraced
and holes are all around
so sip the sweetest poison
from a thimble's worth of breath
and if The Spindle spares you
spare me too
and whisper Death
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Outstanding, but aren't they all, all of your poems?
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I think I was drawn to the title as much as the words within. Beautiful write, lovely rhyme with hidden depth and meaning.
Blessings,
Sassy
. Rewarded 4
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The use of simple objects worked by mystical hands releives all of any responsibilty for suffering and we all become puppets or toys to a greater being or perhaps we are just objects tossed to a trash heap, failures unable to participate in a greater plan.
Your piece is lovely and seductive in a bella donna sort of way.
Peace & Light
Tom B.
. Rewarded 6
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The first time I read it, I didn't even think about the meaning. The words themselves were too entrancing. The rhythm is addictive. When I went back and read it again, it didn't even matter what it was about. >.<
I suppose this is good and bad in its own way. My opinion though, is congratulations for accomplishing a rhythm and flow of tasty, satisfying words such that meaning ceases to matter. -
This is to be bookmarked, beautiful crystal dark flow. Your metaphor is subtle yet clear. An awesome effort on your part.
. Rewarded 4
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i really enjoyed this, i found that your rhyme was very well executed and had a natural flow. the most powerful part was strangely the one with the shortest rhyme, which often has a tendency to sound more superfluous (which makes it all the more laudable that you made it so serious and meaningful):
might things
with wings
parade as true
then melt a metal face
your personification of the spindle was not trite or overdone, and its reoccurence at the end made the poem close into a beautiful little capsule of wit and meaning. great job.
. Rewarded 8
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Beautifully written, although I got confused on the rhyme scheme some, but you weave words together wonderfully
. Rewarded 4
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Amazing write! Liked the way it flowed and kept you moving. Your choice of words was wonderful for the style. Great Write. hanks for featuring it!
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good grief. I seem to be devoid of words. But you, friend poet, have completely proved your great mastery over them. This is marvelous. I love it as always.
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As always I'm at a loss for specific comments because I would end up quoting the whole poem. Incredibly well done, I love the oppositions (the blackest white, thimble's worth of breath) and the tone. Excellent as always my dear.
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Well, damn. I think this may be the strongest poem I've read of yours. Spectacular use of rhyme, and incredible flow. Throw in some great imagery and sophisticated alliteration, and you just freaking nailed it.
Damn.
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