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underground

laying on striped towels,
like autumn garden rows,
one a Ficus of sunshine.

the branches were squeezed in
by new roots of winter angle
and bent.

i'd grab scissors
and chisel out blue pansies
from the oxidized window rim,
sprinkled on a fig salad
i'm dressed in
for rainy weeks

In a list

A contest entry

did you record an examination? critical comments accepted, just be nice ok

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Nicolette gold member
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Loved the way you've weaved different seasons into this, like the seasons of life and love. Also, great use of colour.

    You made me remember the striped figs we had on the farm in Oudtshoorn - yellow and green stripes - wow, you took me waaaay back, Daisy! I was just looking at your age...you're really only 11? WOW!! Well, if that's your true age then I predict a great poetic path for you.

    Nice, tight piece of writing that is different and imaginative. Thank you for this entry.

    ~ Nicolette


    • bird at rose
      October 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Well, you actually made me exuberantly smile as a 12-yr-old

      A couple months ago, my age did change and I was still saving money to become gold again, so I wouldn't destroy my big font and all when updating my information box. I didn't mean to ignore it. I was wrapping things up to do it soon, but your curiosity made me wanna make it real tonight and I did, editing that.

      I've always loved your description you gave me in comments on my earlier poetry... but this one is full of personal emotion that really reacts to this piece! I typed in the town you referred to, and it's rather precious instead of creepy that it snows in July...

      Your caption made me wonder if I should make that viewpoint of the fig itself lined also apparent to the public by tweaking it?

      I'll let you tell me,
      Daisy