one
cloudy
afternoon,
I was gazing
outside my window.
A light tepid breeze soon
changed to a swooshing whimper;
the sky was filled with nimbus mists.
While sudden splash of shower spread out,
thunder roared to a high-pitched resonance.
summer51
Author notes
I just tried doing this because the rain wouldn't stop here. 
My first attempt to Etheree Poetry (?) 
summer51
A contest entry
- Etheree Me Please (Contest) by Paloszoo.
625 points, ended October 6, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is this Etheree type? Please leave criticism. Thank you.
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
A beautifulyy penned and constructed etheree--
An abundance of imagery within a minimum of words--
Well Done!
-
Terrific, just the way it happens here in Vancouver. I see those great thunder storms come up and blow through all the time, but you certainly made the picture.
-
Very nice etheree.
One remark: an etheree should form a perfect triangle and in this one, your last line (although syllable count is right), should exceed the line before in length. I prefer to display them centered.
-
-
Hello, again
It's done. I changed the word "shrill" to "high-pitched" and remove the word "deep" to make it 10 syllabs.
Hope it's okay now.
Thank you very much, Just.
summer51 -
Hello, JustADutchie
I will try to change that. Thank you very much for that very good comment. I really appreciate that. I'm learning from all of you who do made some remarks on my writings.
Will try to think of a longer word with exact syllables for that....then I will revise.
to you, my dear.
summer51
-
-
excellent depiction of a storm i dont know the form so ill assume you did it correct
-
-
Hope so too.
Thank you, mcw120588 for the comment.
summer51
-
-
Perfect form! Nice changes!
-
-
Thank you, Paloszoo.
summer51
-
-
ah I'm amazed with Etherees and this is one is indeed amazing...
keep them pouring... -
-
Thanks, again Ann.
Will try to visit your corner...if not now...this weekend.
I have to wake up early...work.
summer51 -
-
magandang gabi po and sweetdreams na rin
-
-
-
Well this is excellent, especially for a first attempt!! I'm impressed. Love the imagery! Recount your syllables, though. Thanks for entering my contest. I’m honored that you would show your work here. Keep up the great work!
-
-
I changed some words now. Hope this is okay.
Thanks, again for the corrections.
summer51 -
Just now I recounted the last line... 11 syllables.
Thank you, Paloszoo for the contest. An experience for me.
summer51
-
-
very good sweety and wanting to wish you good luck in the contest
-
-
Thank you, again, sweet kismoony!
You, too. Goodluck to all contests you joined in.
summer51
-
-
Excellent
For your first etheree you did very well. And to use a summer storm for your muse was quite astute. We all find a secret thrill in mother natures little tantrums.
Well done poetess.
-
-
Thank you again, dearest DennisP1.
Na na na na na ! I could
all night, eh! 
Actually, I really love anything about Mother Nature. Here in the city where I live... I always compare the rural to urban life... but am working in the city, eh...
Good evening here.
summer51
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
