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Altar of “Love”


Your Dagger of Trust -
  has deceivingly slit open my heart.
And your tongue –
  the one that spoke those certain words,
now licks the wound.
The Fire that burned within –
  now cremates my bones.

I ask only that you do the autopsy.

A contest entry

Did it make ya think and/or feel?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Miss Macabre silver member
    June 18
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    Love it! So dark and disturbing. Thank you for entering and good luck!


  • Beverlynohime
    January 22
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    This is Powerful!


  • fairytalelovestory
    January 22
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    This is amazing. good luck.


  • StarOfDreams23
    December 6, 2008
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    I loved this, I feel the pain bhut bitter sweetness in it great job!


  • just mercedes gold member
    December 4, 2008
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    Great imagery, and the final line is a killer. Well done.


  • PerfectImperfection
    November 13, 2008
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    ... That was you


  • Sarah957
    November 10, 2008
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    Wow. That was short, intense, and amazing. I love the surprising end

  • PerfectImperfection
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh this piece had a great punch. Very powerful piece spoken in so few words. Pained, and poignant. thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!

  • Writing0Freedom
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the 'the one that spoke those certain words' part - it really gave the reader context about the subject and the rest of the metaphors were really good. I also really like '
    The fire that burned within- now cremates my bones'
    Amazing, I love that!
    Really good piece of writing!
    WritingFree


  • Turning-To-Dust
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Imagery was astounding! I really enjoyed how you showed your emotions through symbols of your body. Thanks for entering and goodluck.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Now that's some vivid imagery right there!! Hanging on there even in death! Cool write!

1 - 13 of 13