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a round figure

when hours
stretch

and seconds
count

fractions
infractions

of wayward
hearts

let's try fair

divide blame
in  equal
parts

add hurt

carry forward
pain

rational
irrational

whichever way
you do the math

what remains is

sifr

Author notes

sifr - zero, empty.
option #8: when seconds count

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Jersene gold member
    October 17, 2008

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    This is wonderful...simple, but clever (and I don't mean simple in a negative way) Your metaphor fits the prompt perfectly...though, I've always had an adverse reaction to math, lol Well done. Thanks so much for your entry


    • charcoal
      October 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I love it when you say "wonderful"

      me, I hate math too. long division and square root canal of the heart is particularly painful lol


  • Kathleen a Nazarene
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant!

    Love the way you do the math here & the way the poem is formed. Very dramatic affect!
    Perfect Title, content, vision. Bravo!


  • najji
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    reminds me of someone slipping away
    until there is nothing left.

    your style is simple, yet it's
    amazing.

    i hope you win. {:


  • logorrhoea
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well put.. your approach to the situation is communicated in a way that is...almost clinical (towards the beginning) in terms of involvement, suggesting depths of pain too direct to address in the flesh. But the pain leaks through and is intensified towards the end.
    - powerful approach.
    Your poetry is somewhat of a mirror, you say your style is simple but it reflects the most complex and dignified of depths in a way that could be called serene (Generally speaking, I mean- this is too painful for such a word)-

    and I rather love "sifr"-
    .... smouldering, but calmly lol.

    Take care.


  • CaliOkie silver member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice indeed. The metaphor of the numbers working their way down to zero is an effective comment on the gradual negative balance of a failing relationship. Liabilities exceed assets until the emotional bank runs out of currency.

    Good poem.

    Garrison

  • Rowan gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great metaphor. Never heard of the word sifr, so thanks for the comment, I would've taken it for a spelling mistake, lol. Very clever.

1 - 7 of 7