I died inside, the moment your fingertips brushed against my thigh
The thunder crashed in the sky and rumbled through the ground
shaking the world outside, as my body trembled beneath you
I counted the seconds between each time
the ground bowed down to the sky
And the flash of the lightening bolts danced
across the space between the heavens and the earth
"one one-thousand, two one-thousand"
God was only four and a half one-thousands away
would he rescue me from the grips of the devil?
The rain poured down in violent spurts
I felt His tears pound against the window
but he did not save me
I felt your body move, pushing into me
At first, I thought the emptiness was centralized
that it would be filled as the numbness in my limbs retreated
but it only grew, each second, erasing a piece of my soul
traveling outward until there was nothing left
Author notes
.....
I entered prewritten poem: Lost
New Poem: Counting to Survival
In a list
A contest entry
- Silent All These Years (for rape and sexual assault survivors) by SerenityNChains.
1750 points, ended November 9, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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wow pretty powerfull stuff..loved it
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I cant imagine going through something like that! What a hard topic to deal with, and you pulled off a really good write. I wish so much though, that it never happened!!!
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We all go through trials in our lives that are meant to bring a lesson. This lesson came at a painful price. And even more painful the aftermath of this event. But I have been able to help other people with my experiences of being raped and of losing a child who was the product of that rape. I have found a bond with women, I may never have bonded with and found solace in their stories, in their stength and in the knowledge that the pain served a purpose in my life.
Thank you for your comment my friend,
Criss
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"that it would be filled as the numbness in my [limps] retreated"
I think you may mean; "limbs".
I love the feel of this poetry, although it has some sadness. I think you might want to remove some of the "the's". A few are unnecessary.
For instance:
"I died inside, the moment your fingertips brushed against my thigh
Thunder crashed in the sky and rumbled through the ground
World shaken outside, as my body trembled beneath you
I counted those seconds between each time
ground bowed down to sky
As flash of [lightning] bolts danced
across quiet spaces between heaven and earth"
These are just my ways to reduce redundancy. Other than my pet peeves, you know what to write and how to write it to make the reader sigh in its wonder. I loved this! I felt every serious moan you made with wonderful poetry here dear sis.
Always ♥
Renee
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My Beautiful Renee,
I wrote and rewrote those lines and still am not happy with them. I didnt find a solid flow that made me feel like these were words that would speak to me if I had not lived them....
It's still up for revision! Once I get over it emotionally!
xoxo,
Criss
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