Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Cotton Candy

Into me,
he thinks I’m groovy

wants to paint me
with pretty colors,
weave wisteria through
my hair,
draw my laughter
with a feather
in the air,
tie my laces
with love-knots
and pinkie swear
our secrets
with a smile and a kiss -

I think this
might be
my cotton candy time,
picnic basket
Sundays,
slow dancing Mondays

my days of
carousels and rhyme.

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Author notes

Prompt: image of a feather/ and the contest title - Lite as a feather

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 55 of 55

  • tomisb
    October 28
    Edit | Reply
    Delightfully, foolishly, innocence the second time, when pain has seasoned the wine. Good.
    Peace & Light,
    Tom B.


  • JinSays gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    weave wisteria through
    my hair,
    draw my laughter
    with a feather
    in the air,

    First, I love love love wisteria, and it doesnt grow in the dry clime of California, but where I grew up in the bayou it grows wild, and it's beautiful and untrainable and if I were to manifest myslef into any flower, it would be wisteria.
    Second, I just cannot express where I fell in love with this write, but Im pretty sure it was the beginning stanza.
    Just gorgeous Laney.
    Loves ya,
    jin


  • Blue-Rose Beauty gold member
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    No..


  • Yemassee gold member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    I know a lady, an important one in my life that I hope will read this poem. She sometimes follows my comments so there is hope...no, I can't just ask her to read it...it just doesn't work that way.

    I want her to know there is nothing wrong with a fellow finding her "groovy"...who wants to paint her with bubbly language and view her, at least occasionally, in idyllic flourishes.

    Life is long and sometimes arduous...relationships often take a lot of work, so we owe it to ourselves to occasionally be lighthearted and utterly over-the-top, as long as it's based on the realistic base of love...and yes, there is a realistic base to love...or there should be.

    Where was I? Oh yes, nowhere...so...the end.


  • Lady Michaella
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    wooooow!! this is excellent. i love how you write. and i love the way this turned out!! excellent job.
    i love:


    'I think this
    might be
    my cotton candy time,
    picnic basket
    Sundays,
    slow dancing Mondays'

    that really was the highlight of the poem for me.
    x


  • HereComesTheSun
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow that is just a very well deserved gold i mean iv read good poetry and this is deff up there
    congrats and beautiful write


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such light hearted images with sadness underneath. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • penman gold member
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very creative and so well expressed. A terrific write. Congrats on the honorable mention


  • Swan song gold member
    October 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    simply stunning dear! You always are. there are few poets who put a smile on my face like you do!


  • Sesheta
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sweet and fluffy without being one-dimensional; my teeth aren't rotting out, and I can smile at the images, because they are pure as spring breezes. Absolutely lovely.


  • DropDeadDreaming
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    rememberable

    I love the first two lines. "Into me, He thinks I'm groovy" keeps leaping inside my mind. I think those two short lines are absolutely rememberable.. Please read some of mine, if you'd like, and critique them, you're an amazing writer!

  • Trew
    October 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    lovely
    pink, sweet and whirly


  • MuddyKing
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    slow dancing mondays...love that phrase...this one makes you pretty in pink girl
    like a bowl of Snickers ice cream after dinner...yummy
    but it's the mind that I'm in love with
    mmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmm

    best wishes Lane
    peace and hugs
    Muddy


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    October 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i enjoyed the playful flow


  • DolceVito gold member
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Another excellent poem

    Why is it that I fell like taking a cold shower whenever I read your poems? Good poetry stirs up emotions, and yours always does
    Vito


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a heart warming touch of the life..wonderful and creative piece to bloom the flowers of sentiments goodluck...


  • nordicsky silver member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Lane, reading your poetry is a roller coaster ride. One minute it’s lonesome thoughts under a starless sky, the next it’s picnic basket Sundays, slow dancing Mondays and days of carousels and rhyme.

    Thanks for the ride; I never want to get off.

    Love, Peter


  • badnovocaine
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    --wants to paint me
    with pretty colors,
    weave wisteria through
    my hair,
    draw my laughter
    with a feather
    in the air---

    How do you create such wonderful poems?
    This is amazing because you were able to take just the word "feather" and make something beautiful out of it.

    Good job here.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    October 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is just lovely.


  • notorious gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    All the people say what I want to say, but in fewer words. :/ I guess this is why I don't do strict word limit contests anymore, LoL.

    Anyways...to use a million adjectives (or less )...this was insightful, beautiful (oh god, you made me say 'beautiful'--NOOOO! ), well-written, uber to the good, perfect, perfection, flawless, wish I'd written it dammit...

    Yeah.

    Use of the word 'groovy'--could you GET more groovy? I LOVE that adjective, although Marty makes fun of me for it.

    I think you are the only person in the world who could use the phrase "pretty colors" and not sound like an amateur fruitbag... Nice incorporation of 'feather', too...you know, I think you could've written this w/o the prompt, but yeah...it's so free-flowing and soft (but not corn-on-the-cob corny soft. )

    "love-knots"
    LOVE the hyphen Lane. I do, I do...

    "my days of
    carousels and rhyme."
    DAMN! How do you convey so much?
    And you are one of poets who use 'and' and always excite me when you do because I love the comparisons, observations and thoughts you make.

    I do.



    Jessica


  • HaleyMary
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write, Lane. I like the way this poem flowed with rhyme. I'm so used to seeing freestyle writes from you that it's refreshing to see you writing a different style of poetry once in awhile.

    The cotton candy seemed to give the poem an innocence feeling to it. Like, how love may make people feel young at heart sometimes. Thanks for sharing your talent and best of luck in the contest.


  • Amarillistarshot silver member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    sweet

    This poem has the air of a sensual childhood fancy. It brings to light a child that is no longer a child, who smiles at a situation that lends an image to that not so distant time...Almost nostalgic, but not quite. Absolutely, sweetly beautiful. Yet another reason to love you, Dalaney. Lovely.


  • Kirith Soldier
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    i really enjoyed this

    I really liked this poem. It's simple and unwordy, yet still paints a pretty picture. Light, happy, and sweet. Good work.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice Lane and your poetic imagery is nothing less than 1080p high definition.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How fabulous!!! I want a cotton candy time!! I hope you have many dear Lane!

    This is just so brilliant!!


  • Jersene gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is sweet, and just leaves that happy, contented kind of feeling...of course, now you got me thinking about the fair we go to every Thanksgiving...two weeks, yippee. I wish you lots of days of carousels and rhyme Lovely poetry


  • Peteskid gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    such a pleasant melody here, lyrical and the ideas of attraction, so different then and now..yet part of how we grow...i enjoyed, like a pleasant memory...PK


  • zochit2me gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Reminds me o the state fair which is now in full swing here in Texas...
    Light and airy for sure and makes me feel like cotton candy and a corn dog perhaps

    I love this Lane.
    You have such a way with words that makes the reader feel like they are there...
    that's what I like about your writing...that and many more delicious things...yummy! Cotton candy anyone?...lol

    thank you so much for coming to play.

    ♥Becky♥


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Makes me want to say 'dandy'... in the most positive way possible... the description of this light-hearted 'cotton candy time', is excellent!

    Sol


  • jalissa
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    FUN!

    I really love this. It reminds me of that Beck song...Nightmare Hippie Girl. Very Groovy write. Thank you for sharing!


  • daviscth silver member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lane, reading this made me feel so alive and happy!! I swear girl, you are just wonderful. Your words are so filled with imagery, I could sell the pictures.
    Good luck in the contest.


  • Amera gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and pure poetic bliss. You are the genius of poetic imagery. I think all your days are of "carousels and rhyme" as you are the world model for the "dizzy dame". hehe... jk sis

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • arafura gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I think this
    might be
    my cotton candy time,
    picnic basket
    Sundays,
    slow dancing Mondays"

    Lovely penning as usual my friend.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    October 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    days of
    carousels and rhyme.

    perfect

    love picnics myself and this makes me think I should plan one for the arboretum this weekend?

    the weather has turned nice and its time for such.

    Would love to see days of cotton candy once again but I fear those days have past, ner to return.

    think I'll just go by myself and sit near one of the ponds and remember my remembrances-or thereabouts-wherefores with a dash of perhaps and a sprinkling of maybes? Yeah, a nice deli-sandwich, Ruben perhaps, pickle and a few chips? could be worse...could be far better-but then, after yesterday-I need the room to sit and think. And besides, there are so many little creatures and birds there...so very many and so many varied trees and plants and it extends over a hundred acres with trees close to 90 years old.

    perhaps the Russian thistle shall be my cotton candy? Perhaps?


  • cricketjeff gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A perfect poem of awakening love; gentle, evocative as pretty as a perfect flower border and as light as a feather, what need of other poetry?

    effervescent!!!



  • chilali
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You always amaze me with your words Lane. First if all, I loved the title. Cotton Candy - I love Cotton Candy, yumminess, Sigh. Now I am in the mood for some. Okay, getting back to the point. Lol. Beautiful flow through out the poem. Amazing words. You are incredibly talented!! I envy you! Lol.Well done my friend!


  • moonbumps silver member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was blissful to read-sweetness and light right down to the core-
    Hilly xxx


  • sailor ptolema
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is even sweeter & better than ghirardelli chocolate .

    meg

    .


  • tara wilson gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awww...this is very sweet


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So very good - perfect evocation of this mood. What I love about this is the way the free verse hides rhyme, the nearer to the end the more obvious, like a modulation... hair... air... swear... kiss... this... Sundays... Mondays... time... rhyme... It's perfect crossover poetry. It does what the Hallmark stuff can't do, summing up the heady bliss of new love. Jings, but you're good at this!


    • JohnnyD gold member
      October 1, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      "Jings, but you're god at this! "

      indeed but just perhaps that is what she really is? A godess of poetry- You may indeed have stated that absolutely correctly-

      • Mairi bheag gold member
        October 1, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I have a keyboard which doesn't like rapid double-strikes. See edit.

        • JohnnyD gold member
          October 1, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          oh, but I believe you were 'correct' the first time


  • Alyzeh
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Dalaney, I wonder how you do it, I just love your poetry.

    Loved the flow of words all around, the feel of this poem was so sweet, I was hooked from the very beginning. Cotton Candy is yummy.

    Much love!


  • stompsalot
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sticky sweet and tasty! Love cotton candy! Love the imagery throughout! Thanks for sharing your amazing talent! I especially liked the "pinkie swear our secrets..." Brings back some precious innocent memories for me :-)
    blessings
    *stomps


  • csmmoms2
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Whoa

    What a great new photo, the eyes go to the ruby, then to nails and the hot ash, then the breast. Very sweet. Cotton candy dreams...ya.


  • tomisb
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    remember to kiss through the brass ring taken as you swing around. It will make everything last forever.
    Love, Tom B.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    How happy and fun this relationship would be. Well painted.


  • Cup-a-Joe
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Harvey,
    Damm you are good. Ilove every line in this.
    Damm.
    Joe


  • charcoal
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    yummy


  • paulcreates silver member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love how positive, carefree and upbeat this sounds. It's as bubbly as your laughter. Beautifully lighthearted as the prompt calls for.


    Paul


  • PerVirtuous
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Or you may get your feet tickled and wake the neighborhood.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    MMMM..

    An all time fav. of mine cotton candy! yes, about time someone wrote a piece about the greatest confection known to man!! l.o.l. j.k. I LOVED THIS very tasty thoughts..


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhhh this is superb, my hubby is my cotton candy dream, so this made me smile off the richter scale. So beautifully put my dear. Best to you in the contest


  • Lj-
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Love the atmosphere!

    Best of luck.

1 - 55 of 55