Her voice skips
like a broken record,
the soft "I love you"
all over again.
Memories molding his dreams
in this sleepless eternity.
The past becomes
as clear as her voice
her soft "I love you"
over again.
So he grasps love once more
dusting away the grime,
but all the sorrow in the world
won't fill in these gaps.
Tossing away troubles;
letting love go,
Leaves only his regrets,
and love lies in pieces
on the floor.
He cries alone, as
her voice skips
like a broken record.
"I love you"
Author notes
written by me, XxMyBrokenRomancexX
(actually new username is LostInTheDream)
i was inspired by the title prompt,
where i used the title: Left in Shattered Pieces
sorry i havent been on in a while but i miss it so much this site rocks!
A contest entry
- Semi-Quickie; Prompts by letters to no one.
625 points, ended October 15, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Breathtaking
It has been some time since you posted this, so if you are surprised at such a late comment, it was because I did not have the words before.
I've shared this piece with many people, and most of them outside of AllPoetry, and every response I've had was of awe and empathy.
As Shelly said, the repetition of the same "I love you" heightens the agonizing emotion of a crushed heart. An amazing tool.
I hope to draw a picture of this sometime in the near future. I'll show it to you when I'm finished. -
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Really? Cool!
Cool, thanks! look forward to pic!
im gunna read it next sunday at an open mic night!
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A Broken Record
Her voice skipping like a broken record
"I love you" all over again.
Until the day the record stops spinning
Lost in a corner of its own world
So far from home.
He waits for the sound of
"I love you" all over again
But the record has shattered
The pieces are scattered
On opposite sides, separated by the heart.
He’ll cry for the sound of
"I love you" all over again
Until the day that she dies
Twisted in her own tears
For the love he once lost
And the vinyl he holds broken in his hands.
As if the vinyl was her heart
Broken just for him. -
"So he grasps love once more
dusting away the grime"
I think these two lines are why this poem deserved silver in my opinion.
These lines blew me away, and they still do.
They are so .... unusual?
I mean, who else would think of saying that you have to "dust" "grime" away off a broken love?
(I know the words are back to front in my above sentence, but I'm thinking in 2 languages atm)
I also love the repetition, it adds to the overall story of the poem, the story-teller remembering his love saying, "I love you".
Just.. loved it =]
Thank you so much for entering and giving me the opportunity to read this
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I love this poem, it is very moving and mysterious. Your language and form just carries the reader as if on a wave. I really could not stop reading and was sad when it ended so quickly, so had to read it a couple more times Wonderful write!
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I really liked this. There was a sadness that lingered throughout the piece..The pain was so evident through each stanza. Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman
. Rewarded 4
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Aaaaw this piece was so good but then it was sad at the end. But nonetheless it was a great piece. Well done i love the entire thing. Hope you win the contest
~Silky
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thanx!
thank you!
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