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Serenity Engulfed

I grasped you after a moment
A dove among masochists

You were a clandestine plight
I loured with my caramelized apparition

Innocently, you glided unsuspecting
An unencumbered silhouette

You were an amorous lovely
And now you are my ephemeral delight

I am an insatiable fire
And, you have become my delicacy

Author notes

The picture was the inspiration.
Author: petalblue2 or Kelly

A contest entry

Who do you think the distraction is?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • a n e s t h e s ia
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Intense, sensual.

    Multifarious-
    may be the only word "too wordy"...and maybe the title.

    appart from that I love the heat of it.

    "I grasped you after a moment
    A dove among masochists"-

    great lines.


  • JaycobKay
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am an insatiable fire
    And, you have become my delicacy

    Loved that. Nice write, though in the beginning it may be a bit "wordy," as you put it.


    • petalblue2
      October 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Have any ideas on which words I should simplify?

      • JaycobKay
        October 7, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Multifarious
        Perhaps "loured" because I'm not sure what that means. I googled it, but to no avail, it said it wasn't a word. Perhaps you meant lured?


        • petalblue2
          October 7, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          How about Mellifluously? Does that sound better? I want to paint a picture of grace and naivety.

          • JaycobKay
            October 8, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            That one connects people's brains more with "malicious"
            So I would think the first one is better, in that manner,
            But I am confused because the two words mean completely different things. Multifarious means Diverse, while Mellifluously means flowing or sweet. Choose whichever fits better in meaning.

            • petalblue2
              October 8, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              Multifarious does mean diverse, which I liked, and mellifluously means graceful like melody or flowing with sweetness like honey. This I feel would work too. I certainly am not trying to add malicious in


  • Lowell Poe
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ....a dove among masochists....
    Your gift shines in this lass.
    Infatuation personified.
    Chunks of well placed descriptive words
    A lucky lad indeed...lol
    Your poem paints a lusty and well crafted ode to your veracious appetite to possess and exhaust your lover.
    Quite sensual when I see a lass who knows what she wants and can articulate it in such a sophisticated manner.
    There is a Jimmy Buffet song thats called....
    ..Im Lookin For A Smart Woman in a Real Short Skirt...
    now I don't know what your attire usually is...but you sure fit the bill for a smart woman
    Great job...
    I especially like this one.

    Looking forward
    to your next,
    LOWELL POE

    • petalblue2
      October 1, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      You always have the most beautiful well thought out comments Lowell! I always love it when you read my poetry! Thank you for your lovely praise!

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