i want to do that
romantic thing:
guitar slung
like a weapon, and
walk, walk, walk
like that rose
that homeless rose
it climbs
but is never
stayin
Author notes
it made me happy, at least
A contest entry
- Give Me A Reason by Jasmine Rayne.
1750 points, ended October 14, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies into Gold (or silver or bronze) pt 8 by whispernthedark.
700 points, ended October 25, 2008, 54 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I've Been Thinking (ya I know thats scary) by kistoclou.
900 points, ended November 4, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites by leander.
730 points, ended November 30, 2008, 147 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Well this is short, too the point and quite a clever write actually.
One little oopsie in the last line: stayin -> staying or stayin'
Thank you for entering the contest!
Leander -
amazing i mean short yet wonderful
paints a picture in few words and leaves the reader wanting more
great work
congrats on bronze and hm -
Well
It wasn't bad but I just didn't feel it. It just wasn't that great, just okay. thats my opinion. Ideas to fix it (ya i know you don't want to hear it) but i think you could have better words, or maybe have it just a tad bit longer, less slang, or more slang just something like that. -
-
use better words?
use more slang?
use less slang?
I don't mind constructive crits, but make up your mind with this one, mate.
-
-
This plays out wonderfully, such great visualizations. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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oh hell ya. i can't even begin to express my appreciation of this one Seven. that homeless rose.... fkn A bro.
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Wow you have alot of talent. Another amazing write and im surprised that i like this one better then the last one i read about woodie. both are amazing poems
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This is a really beautiful piece. It reminds me of the style of Langston Hughes.
"i want to do that
romantic thing:
guitar slung
like a weapon, and
walk, walk, walk
like that rose"
This is my favourite part of the poem. The portrayal of a loner/migrant pining to stay in one place to "do that romantic thing". I love that.
"that homeless rose
it climbs
but is never
stayin"
This part leaves a lot of room for thought. I like that sit and ponder effect. :] You've done excellently with this. Thank you so much for entering.
-Lily♥ -
love it
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i feel like this all of the time... =/ great write
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