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Flowers wilt

sunflowers and squashed thoughts
hide in parking spaces
of malls
among ghosts
that scuttle

bottom dwellers
suck life
from fresh pink lungs


and I am tired…

of squatters who linger
at the end of roads
trace backbone wishes

along small jerks of hallelujah

the sky mirrors emotion -
mourns death of flowers
reflects distorted views
then falls silent

empty has a new perspective
with embossed texture
that fingers cannot feel

but flowers do wilt 

just like guilt
it rips through yesterday’s poetry
curls around shame
and squints at bright light

pieces break
behind eyes once secure
fat and happy in the background
tucked safely

into something formed


no matter what is layered between

we dig into holes
claw our way out
only to do it again

and again

and again
in unconscious movements

 

babbles of manic muse

transparent

shaped something like poetry
before it is written

 

 

 

9/30/08

Author notes

Prompt: 6. time after time

A contest entry

Give me back my bullets

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • Rowan gold member
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    How'd I miss this one? So good, hon, congratulations!!!


  • Cat gold member
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    congratulations!!


  • Jersene gold member
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this. I've been trying to pick out my favourite part, but there is so much to like about this. Your metaphors speak, as loud as the emotion. You've nailed the prompt so well. Thanks so much for your entry


  • sheltered
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "the sky mirrors emotion -
    mourns the death of flowers
    reflects distorted views
    and falls away silently
    giving empty a new perspective
    with embossed texture
    that fingers cannot feel"
    one of my favorite verses ^ of all time...

    the next too..

    and the ending was bang on B


    • zochit2me gold member
      October 5, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Tim...
      What a beautiful comment from a beautiful poet
      More "bang" for the buck that's my motto...lmao.

      you rock my socks

      hope all is good with chew

      ♥Becky♥


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    October 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    somehow this makes me think of my own self sabotage

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    October 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love the metaphor, yes even flowers wilt without fertile soil and what transpired in the past shapes the poetry of today and tomorrow. I tried to choose favourite lines to reference rather than copying your own poetry back and what surprized me was that the first line and the end line of each stanza create their own poem which still echoes the voice of the poetry.

    Kudos.


  • tara wilson gold member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "shaped something like poetry
    before it is written"

    I love these ending lines so much, they are so powerful & creative, and I know how I feel when I need to write, so these line make me feel that...as always, wonderful imagery & creativity




  • poetryality silver member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    From the opening line until the very last I was enthralled. I too read poetry aloud. I thought that was the only way to read it. I read biblical passages the same way. LOL

    I agree with Lane; "and I am tired" speaks volumes. I too get weary but never of great poetry such as this. Simply beautiful! What a delight to recite. I wish you well in the challenge.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • Dalaney gold member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    how i love the break "and I am tired..."

    you can use poetic device like no one else,
    but what i truly love about your work are
    the moments when you say something like,
    "and I am tired," and I just have to breathe
    in and agree. Love, Lane

1 - 10 of 10