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Unfinished

The way it trickles

down spine

with a tinge of experience -

innuendoes

in the subconscious of unsure

 

a mix of lavender and mulberry

- settles soft

folds around gray night

with magical allure

from moon’s solitude

 

inescapable pulses of color

whisper

and spin counterclockwise

born of a new idea

washed with blue waters of symbolism

 

clouds shift

in contemplation –

enchanted and weightless -

retrospect patterns

that wilt

inside balmy breezes

 

and yet,

I’m incomplete

inside September

and thin rows

of harvest gold

 

temperamental changes

of rhythm

with ulterior motives

that empty me

like unfinished notes

intent on completion

 

 

9/30/08

 

Author notes

Prompt twist

not sure about this...
suggestions welcome

A contest entry

ring around the roses

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • tara wilson gold member
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "a mix of lavender and mulberry

    - settles soft

    folds around gray night

    with magical allure

    from moon’s solitude"


    I love the sensuality & imagery in this stanza sooo much - absolutely beautiful image of the sky!,

    at the beginning, though,

    "The way it trickles" makes me wonder what 'it' is???

    I really like the ending, where I feel you being incomplete like an unfinished note...


    thanks so much for entering the contest


    • zochit2me gold member
      October 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Tara for the comment

      The "it" is explained in the next lines...
      ( innuendoes of the unsure )...that's the "it factor"...lol

      I love you so much ...not in a gay way though ...


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    October 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    inside september... fav section
    i cannot think to change this

    • zochit2me gold member
      October 4, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      thanks Heidi for stopping and reading.



      ♥Becky♥


      • Grunts Girl gold member
        October 4, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        you are welcome. I had the chance tonight to read a few of yours finally and I managed to finish an entry for your contest. Sorry it took so long and thank you for extending and giving me a heads up about it.

1 - 6 of 6