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Mortal Succubus

She was the incarnation of evil

forbidden in lives of peace

she forced herself into them

to destroy all happiness

in their humble abode of glory

 

Her eyes showed an evil motive

and a silence beyond all doubts

that one feels when the presence

of evil behind them to cut throat forever

their joy dwelling in no pain

 

The town folk called her'Blood Red'

as one can only understand why;

how she resolved to her famous misdeeds

that brought her peace in an inhumane way

persuading her to commit her dreaded feats

 

The animals,in particular,the wolf

forged a decoy of his foretold story

of the way he misled the;little girl-red riding hood-

and fled the town of cursed deeds

performed in diligence by Blood Red

 

She was the master of her will

did not care what fairy stories were told about her

sucked out lives as though an ingredient

to her non-occasional festivites of worshiping

yet another life taken by her-in all darkness

 

Author notes

"The Darker Side Of Fairy Tales"
Option 3.
Anagha-Nataraj

"Dark And Twisted Fairy Tales"
Option8.
Anagha-Nataraj

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • April Somerston
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, how did this not win anything in the fairy tale contests in which it was originally entered? This is really good. It's Little Red Riding Hood meets Sweeney Todd. I'd consider the following:

    -The first two stanzas have some rambling characteristics of run-on sentences. I think you can tidy them up a bit. They don't need to be too straightforward, just a little LESS cryptic. Make sure you only say what needs to be said.
    -Why is the wolf such a martyr? Did he feel pity, or some kind of shame? What's his deal? Expand on that a bit.
    -Did Red kill herself too? Or is she already dead in a figurative sense? Make it clearer, either way.

    Great work, just watch your spacing around the punctuation marks. Thanks for entering!


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    November 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry & good luck!


  • poetrandy
    November 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Different!

    Ugh! Good luck in the contest!


  • XxFrozenEssencexX
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an awsome poem! really descriptive reallly welld one you are a GREAT poet!! Wishin you good luck in this contest !!!


  • InMyFlames
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ingenious i love this piece of writing,
    you write very similar to the way i use to write very good stuff


  • upperworld06
    October 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awesome, reminds me of a story my friend wrote about little red riding hood. good write


  • chilali
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is great. Brilliant imager and flow! Well done!
    http://allpoetry.com/poem/4613503

  • pelo801
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent imagery within this well-written piece.
    Great choice of a title also!
    Best of luck in the contest!!


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I see a very bone chilling fairy tale like story here. It is well written and vividly told.

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**


  • arnica karuna
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Creepy and ghoulish. I like your take on fairy tales which are otherwise considered angelic,childlike and innocent. Dark enough, but I won't call it glaringly dark. You've expressed simple ideas elegantly and that seems to be the best thing about your style of writing. This is not to say that I liked other things about your work any lesser. On the whole, a very impressive write and a novel idea to have come up with.

    One small thing I want you to do is to please correct the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.
    The only reason I made it a rule in my contest was to ensure that I would not be made to judge entries which were not at par with each other. SMS lingo, disobedience of grammar and spelling mistakes sure rob a poem of its beauty.

    Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!


    • Anu-Nataraj
      October 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      =]

      there..i corrected it dear friend..thank u for the head's up !!
      much love and hugs,
      ~Anagha~


  • kkatie55
    October 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Dark and Bloody

    nice write keep up the good Darkness ,,,,well the evil flowing....katie


  • Anguas-Confusion gold member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    We meet again this is a great write, very dark and it has such a depth to it in a strange way but then only scratches the surface... well done and best of luck. check out my entry in "As dark as it gets"? love yas xxx


  • spideracer gold member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Red rocks

    Little red riding hood, I've seen and read many different interpretations over the years, none quite like this. Well done and good luck in the contest.


  • xPink-Lotusx
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    My Apologies..

    Apparently I didn't get the note to everyone, about the change of rules.. But it is good to see this poem back in the contest. Well done!


    • Anu-Nataraj
      September 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      ..

      oh please poet...do not apologise...its not a biggy...glad to put it back in the contest..
      =D
      ~Hugs~
      ~A~


  • xPink-Lotusx
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    I love this take on Red! You have an amazing style. I like how this was written. I love the ritualism of her killing, it is indeed a new twist, and original twist to the tale.. And the best part, it is very dark! Thanks again for a wonderful write, and good luck in this contest!

1 - 18 of 18