Happiness...
I have finally found you.
It seems like such a long time you have hidden from me.
The sun gleams brightly off of your body,
And your beauty is never diminished,
Even in the midst of a storm.
Others shy away from you,
For they fear your awful goodness.
Happiness...
Yes...
I have finally found you.
Each time you slide across my wrists,
And every time I wince from the pain of your affection,
I am consumed with a primal aching for our next encounter.
Author notes
Slip
- xXDarkxPoetsXx group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Dark , dark and dark Poets ONLY by sweet innocence.
1100 points, ended January 18, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want your pre-writes. by still.she.waits.
400 points, ended February 22, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write challenge! by Lady Michaella.
485 points, ended February 20, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm Crazy....but OH WELL!!! PREWRITE CONTEST!!!! by Kathraina.
575 points, ended April 18, 296 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel it-Contest for heart wrenching poems by Guerrero.
400 points, ended June 3, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blind Me- But I Promise I'll Still See Through You. by FlipperSwitch.
700 points, ended June 14, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark writing (my first ever contest!!!) by RazorbladeKiss14.
715 points, ended September 15, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest 1st come 1st serve by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended November 14, 375 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Nice! I love your descriptions and your personal view coming forward through this. Short and very well done so. Thanks for entering!
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okay this is good but its not really about losing someone or something. If you can explain to me how it is related i wont dq it. please hurry bc i really dont want to since it is a great write.
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"Yes...
I have finally found you.
Each time you slide across my wrists,
And every time I wince from the pain of your affection,
I am consumed with a primal aching for our next encounter"
love the form here ^^ this was my favorite part.
great write.
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Wow, nothing I was expecting. Great twist on the structure of the poem. Happy to dark. I've seen dark to happy, but it takes talent to pull of happy to dark. Very thought-provoking. I'm not one to like cutting poems but good job. Great job on this and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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Very interesting dark piece. It seems so happy then the twist on the end really sends it in another direction. A great thought-provoker!
Bravo!!!
♥ Kate -
oh wow. this is different from the normal writes about cutting. not fond of the form, but thats mainly personal opinion.
i love the last line -
wow...... i'm inlove with this poem.. such a contrast.. woa.. from happiness being all bright.. to then showing YOUR true happiness.. wow.. this is fantastic.
Thanks for entering my contest,
and best of luck!
Your judge,
-Lemon Bee- -
Gosh this is really deep
I love every word written and the repetition of
" Happiness I have finally found you" makes this poem more stronger
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What a painful write. When you start to read this you feel one thing, but by the end of it you realize the true meaning and depth behind these words.
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I know this feeling all too well, and you have displayed this nicely. When you first read it, you think it's something else, until the last few lines. Very well written...
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Punching desire in that last line. Awesome form. Great poem.
*HS*
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Hmmm the razor's fist to shake ... A pained piece of comfort found in the void. Nice expression of desolation.
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I like the juxtaposition of the write ... one "confesses" to happiness and the images are beautiful, fitting for a lover. then, the source of happiness is shown.
I like the actual look of the poem ... it almost looks like a razor ... I would make this even more pronounced.
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I can cope with this... and I like the way you started it.. so innocent and so sweet and ended it with dakness and pain.. nicely done!
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wonderful write. It's scary but stunning.
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Yes!
That's love...that's love.
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This poem was well written and I understand it completly. I feel this way all the time. love your poem. ♥
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Wow! Very vivid and full of intensity. This poem squeezes at my heart with it's sadness. Excellent job with this.
Lauren
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This is pretty deep!
I hope that you really aren't
going through this. What a terrible
position for someone to find himself
in. Great job expressing yourself here
and thanks for sharing it!
Jeremy0826 -
Today's Poem: 10/12/2008
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wow, I'v been here before. Great write you showed some true emotions in this. I dont think you should change it any.
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This is scary; I can feel the emotion and the masochistic tendencies behind it, but it's also very well written. Nice write!
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I seem to have confused alot of people with this poem. I guess Ill explain it. The piece speaks of self-inflicted pain. Line 12 and line 4 should make this clear...
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it's pretty good for what it is...if you do revise it don't get rid of this version, just call it something like "part 2"or something like that...don't have to change this one, but there can always be rooms for improvment or change...if you feel you can add or subtract to this poem, just create a "part 2" ;0) although i was a little confused cos it sounded like you were happy in the beginning and then was ashamed of your happiness in the end...kind of happens to a lot of people though, when something good happens to you you're happy and proud then feel bad for it...nice work! i like it!
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My vote,
dont change it! i think its great just the way it is! i honestly dont see a reason to change a thing a bout it!
~*Princess Cuddle Bug*~
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Thanks for reading it. Im glad you enjoyed it. I just wasnt sure if I made it too short. Thanks again.
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