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quill

 

 

 

 

 

 

i lie in heaps
of the hidden canal
crab oyster and cockle shells
washed ashore
with watered whiskey
and drunken dreams


fields of ice
warm
my objects of virtue
adding another layer
of thick skin
in the theories
of men


my combustion

smolders
and rises

with a crackling marlboro
i exhale
rotting banana peels
moldy bread
and apple cores
of sir isaac


the pull of gravity
is a dynamo

of the ancient
black
and gates of hell


holy water dries
and mustard seeds
grow cold
with statues
of heavy stone


i see

winged creatures
and flies
and the raptors
i am a deposit
of skin and bone
and virtue
without wings

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • The Fun House silver member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I would love to elaborate on this one; the feeling it gives me but I don’t think they would allow so many words on the page. This is a phenomenal piece of poetry. Bow! You deserve it!


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    October 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i can see why becky had such a hard time, this is bloody marvelous.

    love the balance in the alliteration of the first stanza..the soft w's followed with the hard d's. i hope that makes sense.

    i haven't made up my mind as to what the meta is phor..
    the one that comes to me doesn't jibe with the title..but then again, it does...

    always fine work..congrats!


  • Blkwidow77 silver member
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ~~of thick skin
    in the theories
    of men~~


    That part, I loved. The phrasing and phonetics were just lovely. I'm glad to see that you still have inspiration after all these years. I can't say the same but it is nice to still have something to read when I come here.

    I wonder what this sounds like when you read it out loud?


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    October 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was like a fine red wine
    full bodied and every sip heavy
    making me want more


  • marc creamore
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Man . . . you are writing some bloody powerful stuff these days Richard . . . Keep the pen flowing while the mind is red hot . . .

    Marc


  • Cat gold member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you have been writing some strong stuff lately...

    love that final stanza, the references to faith also

    had a jehova's witness stop by today
    wondered what it would be like to be
    her in today's world-... it must feel so useless and desparate all at once..

    neither really here nor there.. this is a good poem muddy


  • zochit2me gold member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the way this begins...
    i lie in heaps
    Because most of the time I am heaped ...sorry

    and the nyou follow it with ...
    crab oyster and cockle shells
    washed ashore
    with watered whiskey
    and drunken dreams...just one question, what the hell is a cockle shell?....I often wondered that...hummmmm wikapedia time...lol

    love the use of combustion...yeah. Really well used.

    my favorite part

    holy water dries
    and mustard seeds
    grow cold
    with statues
    of heavy stone...are you sure that is not supposed to be "stoned" cause in the last stanza I think you be smokin'

    I love this and am so glad you entered...good good stuff.

    ♥Becky♥


    • MuddyKing
      September 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      A cockle is like a tiny oyster about as big as a nickel, when I was young in England my grandmother would take me cockling and we would get a bucket of them every time. Thanks for taking me back there today

      • zochit2me gold member
        September 30, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Ah...
        And now I know what a cockle is. Thank you for letting me know and you are welcome for the memory trip.



        great write!!!


  • notorious
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Holy...moly...macaroni.
    LoL, this was intensely good. Seriously.

    Becky asked me to enter, but I think I'd be bloody embarrassed entering next to this. !

    "watered whiskey" and "drunken dreams"--when you choose to use alliteration, you do it so well and it makes me grin to see alliteration actually being used properly.

    I love "objects of virtue", like a virtue is something tangible you can touch. I personally think the 'adding' in S2 can be 'add(s)', but that's just my preference...and I'm not sure if changing it to 'add(s)' would alter the meaning, so maybe not. :/

    Love the way you used 'combustion'...it's explosive, in a subtle, coolio way that only you can do.

    As for the rotting banana peels...what have you been smoking?! Actually, one of my friends was smoking fruit and I was like "Dude..." LMAO.

    "apple cores/of sir isaac"
    You know what I love about this phrase?
    I understand the allusion AND, it makes me want to shoplift the phrase and use it in a dedication poem for James.

    "holy water dries" Another one of my favorites...feels so bitter to me, which obviously I like.

    Damn. This poem is just too good.
    And I like that you use the word 'virtue' again in the last stanza...!

    Jessica
    Postscript: Tell me when you get a trophy on this, okay?


  • Night Hope gold member
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I just watched a show on PBS about raptors. Baby, you be a fragile, fertile, fantastic feather on the wind. Wanderer

1 - 11 of 11