http://donjuki.deviantart.com/art/Silence-32340296
She is sitting there alone
All her hopes have blown
How does she take this news
That she has been shown
Sat in solitude trying to refuse
The unknown
She drapes her feet off the rocks
Into the eery silent sea
Everything is turning grey
How can this be
What did she deserve
To be given this morbid growth within
So bedazzled
With a dark cloud hoovering
Convulsed at her body
Feeling detached and her blood numbing
She is secluded in this desolate place
How will she come to face
Her dark book of fate
Inescapable of this black karma
Should she emerge into the grey water
Give up and flood her lungs
Not knowing how long she has
Will it gnaw at her every waking moment
Will this devastating news inflame and hurt everyone
Does she want them to see her grow weak
And mourn the beauty that wasted away with each day
The tears run down her pale cheeks
The pain of this news now so real
She knows she must be strong
Fade away in dignity
To just give up would be wrong
The white ghost will be fought
This malignant tumour does not belong
She cradles herself on the rocks
Trying to figure out a way to explain
With her emotion to contain
Author notes
http://donjuki.deviantart.com/art/Silence-32340296
In a list
A contest entry
- the voices... by shecantstopfalling..
360 points, ended October 11, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Silence" - Word and/or Picture prompt by poeticcaresses.
1000 points, ended February 19, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Contest by tears.of.silence.
1000 points, ended April 18, 407 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 15 Options...Please look inside. by Beautiful-N-Broken.
700 points, ended August 9, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sadness captures my heart by Sweet-Sins.
752 points, ended October 9, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Beautiful write. Thanks for entering this in the contest it goes perfect with the prompt!
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A well-deserved bronze!
This is a piece I found captivating. You have done a wonderful job capturing this young girl's plight. I can get a clear visual of her letting go into the ether within this piece.
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beautiful picture.. your words are good.. could use a little more emotion to me. But that's just my opinion. I give you a 13 for this poem. You ended iwth an 87. great work> Thanks for entering the contest and best of luck to you. Kahy
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Absolutely beautiful! Such imagery, haunting, and pain. This piece drew me in and had me sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to hear what this news was that she got. Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
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Positive: "She is secluded in this desolate place" great line really blew me away in the power of it. great poem and i love how you didnt just tell the picture you gave it a story great work
Negative: i wanted more imagery i love imagery :]
thanks for entering -
Positives: i love the words choice eg. bedazzled, Convulsed. i enjoyed how you told a story without being once upon a time ...
Negatives: to me this could of had alot more imagery into it alot more explaing emotions with words that are emotional words.
thanks for entering -
Haunting
Lonely poets post their hearts. Maybe two or three read them. It took hours...hours and a bunch of tears to put down the thoughts-emotions. And all these words... these passions of the heart seem to go to the dark side of the moon. No one is there, the air is so rare.
It doesn't matter-it's only just for you. -
Haunting
Lonely poets post their hearts. Maybe two or three read them. It took hours...hours and a bunch of tears to put down the thoughts-emotions. And all these words... these passions of the heart seem to go to the dark side of the moon. No one is there, the air is so rare.
It doesn't matter-it's only just for you.
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I lyked this. The rhyming was a little weird but I did enjoy the read. Great work and good luck.
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maybe i will come back and work on the rhyme, kinda just flew to my mind and i just wrote lol glad you liked it xx
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Not too raw for me...
Gotta tell you that at first read, I did not get it.
Now I see suicide, but obv could be wrong/....
Very emotional...
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