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Increased Worth

 

 

 


Misted moonlight shines on memories;
magic dimmed by time and distance.
Accepting at last, the past is ~ past,
I walk the many miles back to myself.


Touching limbs, nose, mouth;
searching anatomy, soul...sanity;
examining pictures, gifts,
old books and socks
you left behind;
always asking, What's missing?


The joy of your embrace
still surrounds me;
although whispered brokenly, bitterly,
last words you said
[unbeknownst to her]
wrap 'round my spirit
like soft-spun yarn...
You, will always be, my soul mate.
Yet discontentment battled with desire;
pragmatism winning, in the end.


Acknowledging defeat,
reaching deeper than I'd ever been,
strength was milked, refined,
from dandelion...to wine,
...then aged.
Am I not better than I was ~ before?


Pieces of you
I have taken on this journey,
replace those of me,
gladly given, to you.
New chambers
in my heart
unlock
with agonizing
s l o w n e s s.


My capacity to love
grew in darkness ~
concealed in heaven's womb,
like a child.
Birthed, upon your leaving;
matured, while I was grieving...
Am I not more, than I was ~ before?

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Theme: When a good relationship ends for whatever reason ~ circumstance, irresolvable differences, or even death ~ are we left incomplete, a part of us "lost" or "missing"...or are we bigger, more, improved, stronger, and better capable of loving, for having learned how to love so well in the first place?


I am looking for honest and constructive feedback. All suggestions will be considered regardless of your age or level of “expertise”, and whether or not you are a friend or stranger...so if you have an opinion, please voice it! Thank you! : )

Constructive feedback is highly appreciated

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • islekine gold member
    March 28

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    Awesome write...

    Such true words...I loved so many lines!
    Touching limbs, nose, mouth;
    searching anatomy, soul...sanity;
    examining pictures, gifts,
    old books and socks
    you left behind;
    always asking, What's missing?
    Really hit a harmonic in me!
    Wonderful, worthy, necessary, journey you've taken us on!
    Always be well and blessed!
    And write on and on and on....
    s
    me


  • debilynn gold member
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    I often wonder during our journey that we all live, does there come a time to let go of our past love? do we really know with all that we are, who our true soulmate is. I like to believe so. I found this to be very emotional...not the surface emotions>tears, screams, etc., but the emotions that come from deep down. the emotions that make us breathe, that keep us alive. I love this line:" Am I not better than I was ~ before?"
    keep writing dear poet! thank you for sharing your amazing talen t. God bless you always


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hoodwinked!

    I think you are right. A piece of us dies, but something larger grows with letting go - maturity, grace, perhaps the ability to to empathize deeply. There are gifts, born of pain, but still gifts.

    Wonderful, thought provoking poem.


  • Ellis gold member
    December 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent, Thought Provoking

    It seems perfect to me just as it is.


  • Lady Altheia
    December 11, 2008

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    Hoodwinked

    I think when any relationship ends, a piece of us is lost because it is with he person we lost. We long for that piece and the person we lost.


  • azure85 gold member
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED

    Very deep poem that flows with emotions, as the pain will turn to something brighter, you can already see this. Emotions we can all relate to, an excellent poem.


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so wonderful, one of the best I have read today (and I have read a lot) wonderful flow and emotion, parts of which I recognise in myself. Best to you dear Bandit.


  • Endeavor gold member
    October 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hi Julie


    Just reading again

    Love, Rick


  • Timothy Cameron gold member
    October 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I know THIS dance (as so many poets do). But not everyone can WRITE what they live.


  • Rose Angel gold member
    October 19, 2008

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    Ooh...sis....you have so exquisitely, opened your inmost thoughts here..There is nothing to change or it would not be You!
    Somehow, knowing your heart and spirit, and not surprised as you share..because that is so true of you, the caring loving person that you are..So loyal and true...Having loved, you give insight into hearts that ask your questions only they cannot verbalize or put to words what you have!
    Honestly, I identify with your pain,
    I can only admire you more for sharing feelings...and your insight..This is magnificently heart to heart soul talk. A write to be prized by all who have loved which is all of us! Bravo, sis!

  • Endeavor gold member
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent


    I read your words several times
    There is a certain beauty in you candid style of writing
    Almost like ease droping on someones mind

    I feel almost unqualified to even talk of love sometimes
    seeing what and where I have been in a few years

    I always feel a lose, like something missing in me
    yet I know, each I have loved have added greatly to my capasity
    and my need to share love

    If nothing elce, I have the feeling memorized well

    This is a beautiful expression of you emotions
    and it is lovely to read your honest carring words

    Love, Rick


  • Fug-azi
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Unlike Cha, I like the second verse, I think what makes it is the question at the end.

    The usage of the itallics, brackets etc adds to some of the poem but takes away as well, used sparingly (unless you write DP) they enhance, overused and they become a distraction.

    The tone throughout comes over as a very sad, reflective one especially with the words you use and the way you use them, certainly giving this reader a sense of the loss.


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Julie
    This is an amazing write!
    I' don't know why I've been so slow coming to read yours before.

    My thoughts:
    I think one's 'reach' becomes more. Yes, your heart and its capacity has become expanded. Also that it becomes cleaned more and more from being cluttered, by the lesser love of paraphernalia and its secondary considerations, which can only dilute the intensity of real or purer love.
    In some circles these actions or 'trials' on the 'heart' have been referred to as 'cooking'; a preparation of the heart to receive more completely, from and in the Love of Truth.

    You have posed the question not only beautifully but also clearly, making it accessible for any to consider its answer.

    Wonderful!

    Sol


  • Tirrell
    October 2, 2008

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    I love the tone and depth, the imagery was starteling and enjoyable. I love the movement the poem brings for me, into the depths of blue. Wonderfully composed.


  • hugh wyles silver member
    September 30, 2008

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    Dear Julie,

    We may think we love a person with ALL our heart but others come into our lives and we learn to love them too. So our 'heart' is expanded with each new love and the more we love the bigger and better we become.
    People don't always reciprocate love to the same level and one's love is often 'hurt', even destroyed by lack of sufficient return but I believe that any damage done is outweighed by experience gained. Experience of loving, experience of losing, experience of healing and experience of forgiving - even forgetting (for I don't believe that a normal heart stays "broken' given time to recover and rebuild.)
    Therefore, to answer your question, I believe with each new love and also with each love lost, one becomes better and bigger than before.
    As the old saying goes: "Never to have loved is never to have lived..." I speak from my own experience.

    Your own opinion of your poem is more valid than anyone else's but, for what it's worth, I find it lucid, reasonably succinct and well written and I enjoyed reading it very much as it reveals something of the condition and size of your own 'heart'.
    I applaud it with love and hugs and hope you'll keep writing. XXX Hugh.


  • aboomer silver member
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First off, I have to say this is OUTSTANDING! One of the best I've read - beautiful wording, images and emotion. I really love all of it, but the first verse was gorgeous!

    I don't think we are left incomplete - we lose part of us - the part we give. But we also get back. And all those pieces fit back together differently for the 'next time around', or even for the time still left with that person. More capable of loving? Probably the same, just differently. At least that's my thoughts on it.

    anyways, this is a truly marvelous piece! I loved it!


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I often wonder if over time, during our journey
    through this crazy life that we all live, does there
    come a time to let go of our past love? Do we really know with all that we are, who our true soulmate is.
    I hope I do atleast. Because I have questioned it and what I am livng now feels so right, but what if it isn't and that is what scares me.
    I do realize that if I continue to live [ what seem like a dream to me ] wondering when is it all going to end, or when will something go wrong that I can't fix. I am waisting precious time, that I could be enjoying.
    I don't want to be apart of the incomplete or the missing something or the lost.
    I want to believe that at my age I have finally learned to love.
    I hope that by now I have grown stronger mainly in faith, if nothing else.
    And if I haven't improved by now, will I ever?
    I am really glad you wrote something, I've missed you very much. I hope that you will continue to write.
    I love this piece, made me think at 10:30 in the morning and I usally don't come alive until noon LOL.
    Thanks for write, it makes me happy to see your words.

    Loveandblessins2u & yours always
    Love You,
    Your Friend
    Joyce



  • Never Fall in Love
    September 29, 2008

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    I'm first going to answer your theme question. I don't know about others, but I've become stronger with previous heartbreak - and I do think that that much is true for everyone. After all, what doesn't break you only makes you stronger?
    Though I don't know if we are better capable of love. I know with me that when a dream is broken, I become so bitter as to destroy everyone around me - and so for most good, I stay away from people. So no, in my case, not too capable of loving. Even after all has passed, the insecurity and the motto as my username looms on. And even if you do fall in love again ... it's not better than before because when you lose love, you also lose a part of yourself - and most times, that part is trust.
    It's ... really the reason for my username ... and this is probably the first time I've explained it like this.

    Anyway, on to your poem... I don't know what those squiggly lines are for [~] but if they don't have any real use, I'd remove it .. it's a bit distracting to see it and pause trying to think why it's there.

    I didn't like the second stanza too much. I don't know too much why .. but it may have something to do with the listlike characteristic of it.

    I found nothing else to critique. I basically, love your rhyme more than your free verse and the way you used constant internal rhyme was amazing - especially the first and last stanza as they were my favourites.

    So how's that for criticism?
    I'm just glad yu're writing and will keep on writing. It's tough to start again, but you don't have to learn from scratch so you'll be amazing before you know it .. again

    ♥

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