I come to the well
parched soul
torn spirit
looking for words...
I find
more
sand.
A contest entry
- twist by tara wilson.
2250 points, ended October 16, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Ive noticed you tend to refer to 'sand' alot.
Would its context go back to the war perchance?
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thx 4 the comment
very well done, i like yours too -
So you didn't find what you were looking for? I hope you keep on searching.
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sad feelings here...I would have loved to have seen just a little more imagery & more of the story here. I think this one, while being succinct, did not
give the reader enough to go on...I love the idea of a 'dry well' here, and I think you should elaborate more on this one!=) thanks for entering
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disapointments suck
if it is within ourselves or others.. not sure which i take more harsh really...
probably in myself not that i think about it
excellent twisted little ditty
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best things are said in a few words. i think i've been to this well a few times. exceptional entry. love, lane
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Harvey
Thanks dear lady of the island. I bet you have one hella
of a tan.lol
Joe
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The imagery in this is wonderful! I found it to be sad yet so many times oue well is dry.
Love,
Amera♥
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Amera
Love your dancing Girl.
Thanks fro reading. I wrote this a few years ago, and forgot about it.
Joe
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Very Good
I agree with one of your other readers. You are able to project a lot of great images with so few words, and that's fantastic. I like what this poem is saying. Sometimes we are in great need, and we find the exact opposite of what we were hoping for. Nice work!! T.S.
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T.S.
Thanks for stoppin by. I uselly write short form. Somehow long poems won't come to me.
Joe
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"parched soul" and 'well' is a kick-ass juxtaposition...like, dry and wet. LoL
"torn spirit
looking for words ..."
This was the ditty I didn't like.
Since you use 'the' in L1...I think you could maybe be more consistent with using those kind of words (e.g. 'a', 'the', etc.)
Maybe:
"a torn spirit
looks for words" (without the ellipsis, preferably IMHO)
I don't like gerunds/-ing words much (for the most part, unless it's prose-esque poetry), so I think that sounds snappier...just my opinion.
I love the ending...
It's a statement and it just ends there--though I kind of hate punctuation in poems, that period ROCKS my face off in this instance because it's so abrupt, right?
Jessica
!
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Jessica
Thanks for the comment. I need to re think this one. Ill give it another go,later.
Glad you liked the period. there's some placed that you just have to have one.lol
Joe -
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The last period I used in a poem was about...well, I don't know. A million poems ago? LoL
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Well written. I love how descriptive this is with so few words....nice job
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Good luck
Well written and isn't that the way of it. LOL
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Hi Buddy
I think this one needs more than luck.lol I can always say i was drunk when i entered.
Thanks for reading.
Joe
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Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful poet and poem! Good luck in the contest!
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Maggie
Can I adopt you? This is one of the best comments I have gotten.
Thanks,
Joe
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Nice....
but what the hell?
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Ima
Your guess is as good as mine.lol
I went to your home page. Cool!
Joe
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