So its come to this
five years of being married.
Seeming gone into orbit.
My thoughts rush together,
whatamIgoingtodoifwecantfixthis?
intangible schemes push me to the brink of demise
closer faster...
We met,
The drum beat pushed us together
closer and closer,
we couldnt get enough
Of each other
Time flies by,
We said those vows
That still mean so much
To Me.
1, 2, 3
3 beautiful children...
My hearts and soul
each has a bit
of
you, me
winding down
still in love
with you
Cant seem to break free
this spell you cast
you pull away
Withdraw,
Leave me emptihanded,
staring at myself
Tears...
So many tears
Your still there at night,
But yet your not
Lying there next to me,
where are you-
My love.
Author notes
Do I really need to explain?
The best of AP
A contest entry
- The Best of AP by ageofdarkpoets.
450 points, ended October 6, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bang Bang, my baby shot me down... by Sick Sunshine.
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What do you feel when you read this?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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No, you don't need to explain.
Critically, I would have liked to see more imagery but I have to admit you have the emotion well done -
Great poem-so very sad. A few awkward places--"seeming gone into orbit" (seemingly? or just gone into orbit might be better), plus typos--my hearts, emptihanded, etc. But all in all excellent poem and I can definitely feel your pain. I especially like when you talk about the vows--that still mean so much TO ME. Very powerful. great work, and good luck in the contest!--Shannon
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This is beautiful. I hope you can rekindle this love.
"We said those vows
That still mean so much
To Me."
To Me! Thank you for the entry.
-N -
Queen of hearts. Clever.
"we couldnt get enough
Of each other"
missing anybody hurts like hell.
when that thought lingers on your mind. -
Very moving write. I felt the pain whilst reading this.
I could relate to the sadness in this poem.
It moved me... thank you.
db x
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This is very deep and sad!
I wish you all the best and hope that things do turn around for you in your relationship. Five
years is quite a long time and hopefully the road
ahead will be smoother and more tranquil.
Take care and good luck to you!
Jeremy0826
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I love this! This is so very real to life. Are there not just so many of those moments and challenges in marriage, maybe trivial if explained but tremendous weights in our own lives."only makes us stronger" they say and although true, it does not ease the pain. I love the way you captured this, the history makes the emotion evident. I enjoyed this piece.
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somehow this reminds me of my mom. =)
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this is one of those poems where the flow, style, ryhme, or lack of, etc are irrelevant, the emotion was conveyed, and i think that's the most important part. and the pain and confusion can be felt. so i'll say this, if it's important to you, fight for it tooth and nail, if it's not, let go, because either way life is too short
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AODP
when i read this i felt like such a great and strong love has weakened by one.. and its murder when you know they've changed because your not sure about their love. this is really sad.
i hope things will get better.. i wish you well.
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I think that the flow could be worked on, but other than that, you did a good job describing your feelings.
whatamIgoingtodoifwecantfixthis?
I don't like that line at all. You are just scribbling, thats what I call that. Anyway, you are a good writer, keep going!
AODP -
Painful write.. I wish you all the best and hopefully its just a rough patch you'll get through eventually.. It looks like there's a hell of a lot of love there so hold on to that..I'm sure your husband feels the same way and its normal to be anxious about relationships, just shows how badly you want things to work out- sorry if I sound like I think I know what I'm talking about- I know I don't.
Really touching read.
Take care
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Bravo
wonderfully put- this is exactly what i worry about, though i don't feel it as scoring as the emotion you've shown. i keep wondering how much i will go through with the one i love and we havn't even gotten started yet. I'm 16 and he's 17, he proposed and we're working as hard as we can to get through the end of highscool and into the same college. we want a better opporitunity to truly know each other and grow together through four or six years there, then hopefully be in a financial situation to find a place of our own. we dont want tp waste any time in school and we both are obsessed with music so our career plans are entwined as well.
still, of all the beautiful things i can say about him now, and where i see us even a few years from now, i still wonder if either of us will get caught up and pulled away from the other further along in life.
I wish you the very best, perhaps you can steal some love back by taking a week or even a weekend out of this hair-pulling, hectic life to be with your husband.
It could help you two "realize" each other all over again. Not just spending time together, but close time doing things you both love, and have enjoyed as one instead of two people stumbling aboutin the n]mentral chaos of a first date or day at work with a partner. haha if anything you can surpirse him in a way he won't see coming, but maybe something you havn't done since before your kids, i know from raising a few siblings how nuts that can be.
God Bless you both, and don't forget what you probablt felt from the start, the prefectly true cliche that "it's never too late for real love!"
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This is a powerful, sad and touching piece. Best of luck with your marriage!! Best of luck in the contest as well (obviously less important.)
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Painfuly deep
Don't worry girl you'll pull out of it. -
this makes me sad... it might seem like im too young to truly understand... but i believe i do.
i really like the first stanza.
this feels like a kind of fast-forwarded version of a life, getting slower and slower until it finally slows to realtime at the end of the poem.
this poem is a little too literal for me, but hey, it works. so well done.
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