Faceless and anonymous
he shuffles along through the crowd.
He doesn’t look very dangerous
just another old man.
Dressed forever in the style
of the workmen
of years ago.
Few see beneath his carefully worn veneer
of homespun cordiality
to the mind-poisoner
who lies just beneath the rustic surface
of his studied role.
He manipulates people
like a sculptor manipulates clay.
Kneading and molding and pushing
bits here and there
until they fit into one of the long rows
of pigeon holes he carries
in his head.
He craves the touch of human kindness
but he can’t help but bite the hand
that reaches out to him.
All is bitter enmity, in the long run.
He knows all too well
that nothing is real.
A slow quiet smile
stretches his thin lips.
Tomorrow is his fifteenth birthday.
A contest entry
- twist by tara wilson.
2250 points, ended October 16, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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well, this one certainly came with the surprising twist at the end!...your imagery is wonderful, such a tragic story, so young to feel/be this way, even at any age...thanks for entering the contest
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Certainly an unexpected twist at the end. Very well penned and best of luck in this contest
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Dearest Poet,
clever title to side step neatly into the duality and depths of the predatory character. You nailed the modus operandi, they are faceless and anonymous, blending in with all the ease of a readily digested barium meal.
Societal Street Twisting Poetry
Fisting the reader with its swift about turn.
Bravo
Love and Light
Yvie
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A very effective twist indeed! I was wondering where you were going with this. My mind strolling along, following and then...BAM! What a twist!
I think he is the face of his father, always dragged along inside of him, for good or for bad. The parent in all of us.
Excellent, and a winner, ara.
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Excellent
A most excellent write, indeed; and perhaps a wry tribute as well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
very good
good imagery I liked you descriptions’ of the workman molding and pushing bits here and there. good job keep it up.
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Really lovely
A most enjoyable read. At first I thought it was about me. And then a speeding u-turn and stopped on a dime. When you hit the last line you realize that you've been "had" and all the lines before have a totally new meaning. Well crafted and fun to do.
If you're curious go to my page and see what really happens to an old man- "And I know for sure".
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Outstanding
this is amazing writing here. Your words are outstanding.
He craves the touch of human kindness
but he can’t help but bite the hand
that reaches out to him.
These lines just grab hold of you and gives you a taste of reality Thanks for the read and keep on writing
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This is excellent!! Wow you did a very wonderful job portraying this its so beautiful!! This is amazing I absolutely love great job with this all the way through!!! LOVE IT!!
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This builds a really good image from the outset which leads the mind in one direction so the concluding line is a completely unexpected twist. The lines which came across most to me are “He manipulates people / like a sculptor manipulates clay” and … “He craves the touch of human kindness / but he can’t help but bite the hand / that reaches out to him” and I think it is the concluding line which makes me understand where they came from. I don’t know whether this poem was written from a factual or fictional point of view but his characteristics are certainly real enough to give him identity. Good luck in the contest
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This is captivating. The twist at the end comes quite unexpected. Nicely penned
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I think we have a lot of scary people walking around like this with prescriptions to make them even more scary! You always get me in the end.
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The last line is truly unexpected. I envisioned an old army veteren, a mad man of sorts...
"He manipulates people
like a sculptor manipulates clay."
I can easily see this line! What a wonder! I wish you well in this challenge.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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I really take exception to your comment "I envisioned an old army veteran a mad man of sorts.." If you do not know why I shall not bother to tell you. This is not the time or the place people as yourself need to do soul searching of the deepest kind. While you go about your normal happy life. Oh Lock up your Children on Veterans Day and the 4Th of July we may have a parade with Gasp Veterans. I just visted your page do not tell me YOU are a person of COLOR and you will thoughtlessly do this make a comment like this??? I WOULD never never do this to you. With out veterans you would not even be here nor I.
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You captured my mind from the start to the finish, and what a finish, I think you have taken us all by surprise. I love the idea of manipulation in this write and shaping people to fit his ideas.
An excellent piece, I wish you all the best in the contest
Suzie Q
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That is an odd twist to include his age like that though I know this is true of some old souls.
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Wow, that was quite a turn in the poem. All through the poem I thought you were talking about politics and then a fifteen year old--excellent! Wonderful spell you wove and then a great twist--really enjoyed reading this poem because I am not often surprised like I was in this one. Good luck in the contest!
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nothing is real
He doesn’t look very dangerous
just another old man...
tomorrow is his fifteenth birthday.
un-expected twist at the end; goodluck
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Ah, but reality lives
in youth grown old
by the conniving
of his existence.
Arafura, you continue to amaze.
M-C
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"until they fit into one of the long rows
of pigeon holes he carries
in his head."
Wonderful image that, John - great storyline and what a delightful twist at the end. Well done - you've had me there!!
~ Nicolette
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wow
an amazing fake guy. would love him forever. and gladly spend our fake eternity together.
in short: nicely written story!!!!!!!!!! very fetching!
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A very interesting write. Well done.
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this definitely has that "oompff" factor! The ending is shivery. What a fantastic entry. Love, Lane
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out here in the disadvantaged areas there is no one 'faceless and anonymous', but any big town has them, and every city. Sad that our society has allowed them to develop. I think this is a great piece of writing.
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very intriguing. I thought I knew the kind of person you were talking about. and then came that last line. wow!
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Intriguing write...I see a runaway, dressed in the drags of an elder, for protection as well as survival...living on the streets...needing love...how sad...
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WOW
I am impressed. You have accurately portrayed the mind of the sinsister youth who is an old pro at the con game - to get whatever they can from whomever will give it, in anyway possible. It's a shame that the society we live in has helped to create these anti-social "monster" type personalities within the reality of our existing social constructs. Watch out for the futue of all mankind, for it is only getting worse...
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Wow, what a mind-f**k.
I like the duality here and the twist at the end tastes a tad bitter, I must say. This is a mysterious piece, and I quite like that.
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