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Daydreams (or &crash into me, babe;)

I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish here.

I only know that the world is a strange and unpredictable mistress,
  and I know that I wish with all my strange and unpredictable heart for you to be mine.

these words don't fit the way I feel.

  I can't get comfortable on my own bed,
  tangled limbs and half-formed fantasies
      scattered among the sheets;

perhaps things would be different if you were in it with me
    your bright eyes half-closed,
    your hands in mine,
    a smile resting on your lips
    and me,
          content to just lie here and stare
          drinking you in like something tangible and sweet,

the smell of your makeup intoxicating me,
the ring in your eyebrow glinting gently in the afternoon sunlight
    streaming through the blinds,
a lock of your bleached hair falling into your face,

and I'm falling into this feeling


Author notes

dyslexic heart
[♥♥]
She makes me feel like a little kid tripping over my words and shoelaces sometimes. :]
Title from 'Crash Into Me' by Dave Matthews.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • RedAquarius
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the personal imagery (bleached hair, makeup, eyebrow ring), it made stand out from other love poems.


  • Chazz
    December 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love Dave Mathews! I'm actually listening to him right now! His music is great...anyways...sorry...this poem is just as great! A wonderful use of words! Thanks for the entry and your help!


  • broken-colours
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was precious. Oh my goodness. This made me think of my beloved so much [save for the stanza about an eyebrow ring *chuckles*]. Really liked this. Great job. Thanks for entering!


    • kill the lights
      December 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, a buddy of mine read it, and she was like, "AWW, you love a girl with an eyebrow ring!"


  • GypsyEyes
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    beautifully penned i love all the imagery in it. your poem brought me to a happy place. thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox


  • petalblue2
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is eloquent and touching, love every line, the format is great! Truly a wonderful write, with raw truth entwined with fantasy. Love, love,love
    Blue~


  • Sunkissed xo
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a sweet and tender write. The beginning is a little sad, but then as you go on to describe your love the mood starts to lighten. The ending is lovely. This poem really made me smile; thanks for entering my contest
    peace ♥


  • XScreamMeALoveSongx
    November 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I do like this... thanks for entering


  • babydollxgonexwrong
    October 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like the first few lines. An interesting way to start a poem--but very effective and I may try that, for I've been at a loss for words in poetry lately. But then again some of the best poems come from raw emotion, untouched and uneditted.

    Thx for entering my contest! :]


  • poetryality silver member
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    There are 145 words here. ~sigh


    • kill the lights
      October 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      is that bad? I don't recall there being a limit

      • poetryality silver member
        October 19, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Sorry!

        I had this contest confused with another one I was hosting. My apologies! I will delete these responses and comment on your poem soon.

        Thanks for your understanding and patience.

        Renee


  • Painted Nails
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very good poem!! Thanks for entering my contest.
    Sydney


  • Lola Lola
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a good poem. i like it. especially the lines
    "content to just lie here and stare
    drinking you in like something tangible and sweet,"
    Good write!


  • mwilson50
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I can empathize

    Guys are just as maddening oftentimes *smile*

    I would have ended it, "...bleached hair falling onto my cheek." and left it at that. Just a suggestion. Well done.


  • Rovingone gold member
    September 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very tender. A sweet poem to the person you dream about.


  • bar room stool
    September 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    aww you so sweet love ya hin :heart:

1 - 19 of 19