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Her Symphony

She stood inbetween moon and land
with the waves lashing against her gown
She would play until the waves rised so high
so that her depthles music and darkness it drowned

She played to the glorified darkness of the night
with the performers as the wind and the waves
And she began the low-life fiddle
as upon her the shining moon rays

She commanded the winds and waves
to play towards her tune of night
She diligently placed her hand upon her violin
and played in the darkness of light

As the wind and the waves played in her symphony
she looked down her reflection so fierce
considered for a moment how unlikely she looked;
In a sudden flick the night's silence she pierced

She lunged for her final tune
as the waves lashed against her will
tears streamed down her cheek
as she finally remained still

She lays there now so mellow
and her eyes show a deadly peace
She feels no need to speak anymore
Everything had been said with her final piece


Author notes

Anagha-Nataraj

*silp*

A contest entry

what do u think of my poem ?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Ms.Daydream
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    Cool! I like the fact you associated nature with musical instruments in the orchestra, I could almost hear it. Vivid imagery! =)
    Is it just coincidence, or did you know that the host of this contest's username is Symphony. Just noticed in the title. Great rhyming too. =)
    Good luck with the contest! =D


  • StarEyes
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    Music is such a soothing thing for one's soul! You did a great job on this one! I love the images that played on my mind as I was reading.

    Best of luck to you in this contest!

  • piccola silver member
    November 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thank you for your entry I much appreciate it.

  • Vera Rich
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry - you seem to have misunderstood the requirements of my competition - it was for poems about Poetry and/or poets. I wish you luck with this poem, elsewhere - but as far as the "Celebrating poetry and poets" competition is concerned, I do have to say "No".


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest I enjoyed it very much. Good Luck in the contest.
    ED.


  • Learning2PaintYou
    November 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed reading this poem. I love the images that you've placed in my mind.


  • BabyBun silver member
    November 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hi - thanks for entering my contest - I enjoyed this. Best of luck!


  • Symphony
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW, ooh I loved the musical aspect of this; so descriptive I could almost hear the wind bellowing around my ears while a mournful violin played out its final notes, surrounded by a fearsome sea!

    Favourite verse most certainly had to be, "She lunged for her final tune
    as the waves lashed against her will
    tears streamed down her cheek
    as she finally remained still"

    So tragically beautiful - thank you so much for entering this!

    Couple small suggestions =]

    "She would play until the waves rised [rose] so high
    so that her depthles [depthless] music and darkness it [was] drowned" <-- I would suggest to take out the 'so' at the start of the second verse. To me, the following reads slightly better, with more comprehension;

    "She would play until the waves rose so high
    That her depthless music and darkness was drowned"

    "And she began the low-life fiddle" <-- I'd add in a 'so' after the 'and'.
    "as upon her the shining moon rays" <-- while upon her, the moon shone glimmering rays." Or something to that effect, again, just makes a little more sense =]

    And just one more, in the last verse,
    "She lays [lies] there now so mellow
    and her eyes show a deadly peace" <-- instead of peace, how about saying release? As she has released herself from her life, to death. So you could maybe say,

    "And her eyes show a painless / deadly release"

    What do you think? Again, thanks for entering this


  • maralisa silver member
    October 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow a brilliant take on the promt good luck in the contest


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You've outdone yourself with this piece. it's absolutely amazing. the picture that you've painted there is no need for a pic to accompany this piece of art. this is a beautiful dark write.. I really love this poem, excellent job..

    good luck in the contest

    kat


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done! I think you have captured the picture beautifully here.. and your words stand on their own even without it! Last two stanzas were my favourites. A sullen and sad tale!


  • SchizoChic
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is really really good. You did a good job of playing this piece out. Best of luck to you in the contest.

  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    September 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll272/Temptress41/Dark/dark215.jpg

    here is the link to your prompt. let me know if this works for you please.

    kat


    • Anu-Nataraj
      September 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      wow...its a beautiful picture Kat.Ill try my best and hope you like it

1 - 15 of 15