quarter notes with empty heads
rip through the ether, capturing
those who will fall for the
empty melodies written
on the treble clef of life.
If we ignore the lower
register, the pain and
heartbeat of the world
that exists beyond the
reach of daddy's mastercard
it doesn't cease to exist.
~*~
daddy, didn't you live
in the days of change?
stop speaking binary
and show me how
to scream and sing
so maybe I can make today
more like yesteryear.
Author notes
This is what the song inspired
clicquez ici ==> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyapY97ugNk&feature=related
Have better ideas for a title?
tell me.
A contest entry
- days of vinyl & flowers in your hair by Nicolette.
2200 points, ended October 12, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is most welcome.
Comments
-
I was going through the contest entries today and wow, to my surprise, saw that somehow I didn't comment on yours!!
I agree with my co-judge; there is wonderful depth of thought and emotion in this poem and I really liked the presentation/lay-out too. I liked the way you've applied musical metaphors here; it's different and creative - thank you for that.
I think the keyword here is indeed "change"..different than yesteryear but still as important today as it was then. So much to ponder and reflect on in this poem. Well done.
Thank you for sharing it with us in the contest.
~ Nicolette
-
Bravo!!!
Best of luck in the contest, you have a winning poem here!!! Peace
-
as a musician, i appreciate all the musical references.
as a writer, i appreciate the depth of this write.
as a son, i appreciate the questions posed, and have no quick answers.
we can never make yesterday enough for today...
all we can do is make tomorrow more palatable
thanks so much for this piece
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