Drown out the drone
to the crackling of smoldering cloves;
Heavy incense in my lungs wave away
silver tongues of smoke.
They wisp and whip
bitter venom in my ears and veins.
The lighter flame flickers on then shut,
like eyes that keep staring
even after they've been plucked.
- The Enchanted Realm group list • next in list
A contest entry
- The Dirty Pretty Contest by SchizoChic.
425 points, ended September 29, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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disjointed
The imagery is vivid but no narrative in evidence
imagery for imagery's sake no continuity of phrases
Sorry.....George -
Well done
Good write, great flow and rthym, John -
Now, as my second read through after hearing the context, your right, it does make a lot more sense. Great symbolism and description. Very well written.
Tal. -
Nice job. Best of luck in the contest.
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Hmm....To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what this poem is saying. However I would place that fault on my own lacking perception and not on your skill as a writer. Besides as someone I truly admire once said "I don't write for poets."
. Rewarded 4
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Honesty appreciated. I can see how it doesn't make sense without some context. Basically, I was taking a cigarette break after being yelled at. The figurative language should be easier to make sense of now, I hope.
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