my love my counciler and i

what is love?
what is happiness?
What is this pain growing inside me?
So many questions to ask
I'll never receive the answer
just fleeting words that people throw at me lightheartedly.
Silently waiting in the dark little room
all I can think about...
my love's suicide, and my own
you speak to me, concerned.
I look away trying to avoid the conversation
you lean back to make a connection with my eyes.
Looking farther away
out a window to a grey world,
my heart throbs in his memory
and my mind starts to slip away
The words that you utter
never make sense
I nod in confirmation that i understand
but really, we both know this doesn't do anything
I just want an escape from this world
this pain...
I want my heart back
for it left away with my love
clutching my head in grief
I cant make him come back
the world around me is slowly falling apart
i can't seem to find my self any more
I need you to tell me who I am
what am I even doing here?
what is my purpose?
I've lost sight in every thing
There's no use to pathetically hang around
I'm burdening others
but I can't ever seem to finish my suicide...
because I want to know if you care
do you care that I die?
Does it matter?
Am I your friend?
...I feel like I'm the weight of the world
my death will do a service to all of us.
or just maybe... you can spark a bit of hope.