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Liberty Caps & Then Disneyland

.                        Was  perhaps on Mu?
         Steady erosion, large to small When
 actions of an indifferent universe  Natural disasters
make way for the young. Step aside, Cousin fire eats
              the old to feed the new, Evapo-ra
                       'Washington cow poo
                      "Stick that in yo -
                     - ur honey sprea -
                    d", was what t -
                    - he pointed hats
                   said. My small -
                 toad stool tea -
               chers [Guess
              pants, Told m -
             - e the story of
             the beginning
            And why so -
           me body's bi
          - rth Is some -
one else's worth--less--ness. Softball lover. No more
wedding day wishes when families are structures Hol -
ding up nothing but carictures. Mickey mouse is God...
Walt butt-fucked - L . Ron in a Pasadena bright-white -
head {Walk toward the Light, enjoy your scenic view.
 
  {You'll feel safer}
     {Now kneel}
         {Lover}
           +++


            -A-
                               cross the
                               vast stre-
                               -tch of la-
                               nd A tide
                               -doth lap
                               cleansing
        Gentle rhythms, time will call, it's recycling.
        It's... So much more more than love and...
        so much more than one could imagine. A...
        Oh sweet Jesus, show me to my bunny ears.
                               Mushro-
                               -om mix
                               a nibble
                               upon the
                               soul of a
                               lovely J-
                               ew a waf
                               er thin pi
                               ece of the
                               sweet bab
                               y Jesus...
                               Then fronti
                               er land for
                               sure this time...

Author notes


Written January 23rd, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • lively banter
    June 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This was really odd, but I liked it. So this is concrete poetry? I'll have to check out more of that type of poetry, it's interesting. Why did you decide to make it look like a mushroom and a cross? I thought it should look like the statue of liberty and mickey mouse's head. That would be fun. I thought that the poem had a good message to it. Thank you for entering.

  • momentarylapse
    May 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    somebody's birth is someone else's worthlessness...loved that.
    walt butt fucked L.Ron in pasadena?well,now that is priceless! hahaha.so where does this fit in,if it didn't fit any of theirs?


  • Dave Adam silver member
    December 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    yet still another random comment to give you points


  • MagicLady silver member
    May 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This was an interesting concrete poem. It didn't really fit into my contest, I don't think. I appreciate you entering my contest. Cheryl

  • MagicLady silver member
    May 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The only thing I ask is that you read my poem called Amusement Parks and comment on it. I like comments that can improve my writing too. Please try to read your fellow poets writings and comment on them. I always look for that.
    Cheryl


  • zdmckay
    April 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Well this was an interesting thing to read. Thank you for taking the time to submit it.


  • February 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Sorry...you didn't stay on tpoic or follow the rules...I will have to disqualify this and I am sorry because it is a really interesting poem, nice work! At least some people have respect (excluding yourself)


  • B2oH
    January 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    No wonder that's your favorite part -- it's the most cryptic damn thing I've read in ages. I ran it through a few numerological programs and Caesar Box Code desconstruction, but havn't found anything suspicious, so I'm pretty sure it's encoded ...just like when you play one of your songs backwards (Growl) and I swear I heard Julie Andrews telling me to do shocking things ...

    Sometimes life is just odd.


  • horus8 gold member
    January 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    My favourite part is where I say "for sure" like, for sure.

  • B2oH
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yah, okay. But that's not fair. Anyone can rant, rave and ramble. Just rewire your brain into your fingers and let go of the censors hammering at your words. Fear not. Salvation lies not in fear but in the doing.

    Weenies.


  • horus8 gold member
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Because, you write them.

  • B2oH
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    >>>> No, it's just a mushroom above a cross. Period.

    I don't see the period.

    But perhaps that's just in the interpretation. We're not all as spleenerific as you. Some of us have no imaginations and we live on ramen noodles 24/7. Why do you get ALL the good comments?


  • horus8 gold member
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    No, it's just a mushroom above a cross. Period.


  • Naughtygrlred
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    oh a penis


  • Naughtygrlred
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    the bottom looks like a key

  • Naughtygrlred
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    you get bored easyily ey, i can tell that does look like mickey mouse maybe a snake, did u take that inkblot test yet,


  • Nyx Iscariot
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    if you unfocus your eyes, you can see the mushroom quite clearly and the cross as well.

    i like this, you go from eratic to "formal" language and then back to eratic.

    *claps*

    Nyx...

  • B2oH
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Justa

    Oh no Horus8, this is not JUST a mushroom and a cross - it is far greater than the sum of the two and the combining of the Gnosis with the pagan church of the Shroom (yah, it existed - but let's not go there yet - there's a little place in Burbank I wanna check first and it's been 20 years since I was there so it probably isn't anymore)....where was I? I'll just wander around a bit and I'm sure to cross my old trail....

    I'm not sure Walt did any such thing to L. Ron (a fine, fine, fine writer - was it really his fault all those idiots took his joke seriously? I think it was Heinlein that he bet he could start his own religion...wonder if Heinlein ever paid off?).

    Lotsa thoughts in this plastic construction and some of 'em are pithy (kind of like the mushroom stem). Frankly I don't know why you wanna draw pictures with words, but go for it. Smear it all over your conciousness and walk up and down Sunset with a bear (betcha nobody notices) - just try to be normal at home.

    That's all I got. Just a mushroom and a cross.


  • horus8 gold member
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    It's just a mushroom and a cross.

  • horus8 gold member
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Perhaps I'll arrange my letters into the shape of your mother's penis and then you can shove that in your crack pipe and smoke it while you rearend your homies, my main chiz? How would that be?


  • horus8 gold member
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Like your bong, or your face Dick head?


  • King Bongmaster
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    nope

    this
    isnt
    fresh
    I give
    you an
    A for
    effort
    it probably took you a long time
    to form all your words into neato shapes
    and stuff but that dont make you cool fool
    oh man just trying to read it give me a damn
    headache this is terrible man you should try
    a little harder next time maybe arange
    your letters into the shape of a
    middle finger or something


  • January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I think I see this picture .. a penis peeing on a cross? (I suppose it could be a hammer about to smash a cross?)

    I really like this poem .. cynical .. beautifully cynical.

    Some really great observations, "somebody's birth is someone else's worthlessness" and "families are structures Holding up nothing but carictures" ..

1 - 23 of 23