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To Transferences of Fate

 

 

 

    I'm ready for the bare bones.

 

-or I guess arteries,

   in our present situation.

 

      They've grown and bloomed

but something about a naked tree

 

gets me thinking on bigger things,

gets my blood pumping.

 

 

(and Sweet Baby Jesus knows

 I've been stuck on the insignificant

for quite some time now,

my heart's a little weak.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

*POM Contest*, as per contest rules

Theme: new beginnings while others end, as per contest rules

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • broken-colours
    December 11, 2008

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    85%

    This was very strange, and a bit awkward to me, but good. The style you've used is interesting and doesn't fit any usual "mold" I've seen. I think the last stanza was my favourite; although it left me wanting a lot more.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    October 4, 2008

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    This is very good, tho short...I do wish you had used more of the lines allowed. It certainly gives food for thought, made me sit and ponder for sure. I do like the metaphors here, and the numerous things they could portray. New beginnings is a theme I have seen many times, but I like the personal spin you put on this, was enough to make it a refershing read. Over all a very nice piece, if somewhat short.

    Scores will be sent to your host at end of judging.
    Good luck


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    September 30, 2008

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    I like this poem. I read "ateries" as roads here, but could be read several ways, roads in a heart, literal arteries. Also "naked trees" - I visually relate the branches of a tree to the idea of arteries or roads crossing each other.

    Makes me visualize the opening of the show "House".

    I'm not sure about the statement in parenthesis, whether it really moves the poem along or not.

    This is a poem with "ponder effect" because what you give us is cryptic in a good way; the reader "completes" this poem. You ask something of the reader here.
    Bravo!

    I'll post my scores at contest end.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    September 29, 2008

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    Hi there and welcome to the POM I must say that just seems to be just a start of a poem I really wish there was more to it. You have 40 lines in this contest that could of been used my score will appear at the end of this contest be well