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Did you think i wouldn't know, did you think i wouldn't see?
Everythings making sense now. Do you remember what you did to me?
You had your drugs, i had my tears.  You had Jesse, He held my fears.
I got slammed against the wall, you took another hit. 
You laughed in my face as i took another fist.
You said you loved me then told me it was a lie.  You hated having a kid,
you just wanted another line.
I still remember that day you came to my school,
you said you had to go away for a few years and hoped i understood.
In and out of therapy from the memories of you, saying you'd come back for me i was scared of what you might do.

You wanted to kill theresa, you wanted to shoot my dad.
You wanted to show me what it was like when someone made you mad.
Like the bruises were't enough, or the bald spots on my head,
if you didn't have your way, you thought you were better off dead.
So you and Jesse formed a plan, figured it would work.
A double suicide by two slit wrists after you shot up on your dirt.
But Jesse is a snake and you were too dumb to see,
he'd leave you on the side of the road nothing to do but bleed.
he never slit his wrist, he never wanted to die, I guess he just wanted to live his life with one last good-bye.

your lucky someone found you and helped save your life,
but you didn't care, you still wanted to die.
You ran from the cops and this life you call hell,
four years of running and you finally went to jail.
You got out early, but lied about your treatment.
i was thirteen when i saw you again, you told me you were different.

And for a while i think you were, and then you met Steve.
He sucked you back into that life that wants nothing to do with me.
You only think about yourself and how to get your next fix.
Everytime i come around, your craving your next hit.
You keep screwing me over and fucking my life up,
so tell me who will save you when you've fallen and can't get up?
Because i will end up leaving, and it won't even faze you.
You keep crying and asking me why i hate you.
but it's not really you, i just hate this life,
i hate waiting for someone to knock down these walls i hide behind.
I hope one day you see, i want nothing to do with you,
your not my mom anymore,
just someone I see right through.

Author notes

abuse-option 2

A contest entry

what's your first impression?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • aeolia
    July 26

    Edit | Reply
    First of all, it's really hard to read the text with the background. Maybe you might want to change the colour of either one? Eye-raping pink on a busy star background just kills the eyes.

    This is obviously a personal write, and therefore I won't comment on the content itself, but it wasn't even a poem. It was a rant, and while it must've felt relieving to get it all out, there's not much for me to say about it that won't completely destroy any pride you feel in this piece. It'd be brutal and I can't do that on a write so personal. If you do want me to go all-out with my critique, do let me know in a message or something.

    Anyway, a quick grammar lesson:
    YOUR is a possessive ("your cat took a piss on my shoes")
    YOU'RE is the shortened form of YOU ARE ("you're not my mum anymore")

    Thanks for the entry.

    -endymion


  • dutch2lips gold member
    July 24

    Edit | Reply
    this write chilled me to the bone
    i think you write to get it out of your system and i really hope you succeed in that
    thank you for entering


  • Girl With Guitar silver member
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    Definitely too wordy, a lot of the time less is more. Terrible background to read the font. Content is good, ending is fairly strong.
    Thanks for the entry.


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    uhm my first impression was: too long. you need to space it out or shorten it so people can read it. the poem itself was confusing because the reader has no background on your story so they're not really sure what you're talking about.


  • Fourthaxis
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    This was very compelling. It was tough to figure out who you were talking about till the end and then wham it hits youn (i.e the end) Superb!

    The story is so slick. Liked the way you have written it. The rhyming's really good, fits in well with the overall poem structure.

    "I hope one day you see, i want nothing to do with you,
    your not my mom anymore,
    just someone I see right through."
    This is so sad. It paints a very bleak picture. No one wants a mom you cannot depend on. I mean you know dads can be creepy but moms are supposed to be the epitome of a madonna, sacrosanct in their character.
    Truly beautiful poetry. Good luck with the contest!


  • Li snuffles
    June 10

    Edit | Reply

    POWERFUL

    This was amazingly powerful...full of so many different emotions and i can relate to the young little kid going through all these problems with a mum who's suicidal and a substance-abuser.

    Life can be so crazy sometimes and so unfair.. why me? but these things are what makes us strong even though we feel out of control..

    i do hope you all the best in life.. you can learn from these mistakes of your mother and know what not to do when you have kids of your own

    love always,
    lisa...xxx


  • FlipperSwitch
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    At first I was picturing your dad- it's an interesting spin that it's not. It's good- the emotion and brutal honesty is well written out; with some grammar and punctuation checks it could be greatly written. Thank you for entering.


  • DesolatELifE
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    Very sad. Thanks for entering.

  • starving-to-survive
    February 1
    Edit | Reply
    OMFG!!! i dont know what to say. I am so so so sorry that this has happened to you. My heart goes out to you. This is a heartbreaking write. Your feelings are so well expressed. I dont even know what to say. I have been through simular sorts of experiences.If you ever need to talk i am here.
    Thank you for entering my contest


  • Erozay
    January 26
    Edit | Reply
    i liked it


  • Heartbreaker Eyes
    January 25

    Edit | Reply
    This was pretty powerful. I definently liked the title.
    Good luck in the contest.
    {Degenerate♥} Sarah.♥


  • BehindTheShadow
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very emotional write, and one that I can relate to as my mother was a heroin addict until it finally killed her, and was never really a mother at all.

1 - 12 of 12