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A van called horse



'tis apparent in his manner
as he views the various Queens and crowns
that cash confuses him-

all coins are foreign to this fella.

When the penny drops (into the palm of an orangutan)

he tears off his ticket-

takes a seat;

and from a mauve man - bag

pulls out a condensated

sellophane wrapped

sausage bap.

He pretends to admire the countryside
as he alternates between nibbling nervous on his beefy banquet
and sipping self - conscious from a bottle of Volvo.

As the next stop hurtles towards him
he rings the bell and dives swift into the undergrowth-

leaving the remnants of his breakfast on the
poor old horses back.



Author notes

FLOORBOARDS. POM contest. Public transport on the British Isles.

In a list

A contest entry

yO

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 48 of 48
  • Haret5
    October 20
    Edit | Reply

    Well Done

    Well Done! But I didn't understand a handful of words.

  • Kooks
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! You must be proud of this poem (seeing as it has been in so many contests ) And I can see why, it is beautifully constructed. Although I feel that perhaps your randomness in choices of imagery was forced slightly, but maybe that is just me being fussy! Well done anyway.


  • ugliejosh
    May 24
    Edit | Reply
    Mind = Blown


  • black hearted rebel
    April 20
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice poem and well written too..thanks for your entry!


  • apoeticinjustice gold member
    March 29
    Edit | Reply
    this was an interesting read, although I find it to not be entirely on topic for my contest.

    you create an interesting "mood" for lack of a better word, and though provoking imagery.

    I can't decide whether I grasp it or not, and that makes it a worthy read.

    Thanks for entering.

    Ror


  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Very originally crafted & creative thoughts.
    Excellent imagery and so very interesting
    to read.

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • Manoj Sanyal
    March 23
    Edit | Reply
    interesting........
    Thanks for your participation,
    Good luck,

  • Judith Chandler
    March 22
    Edit | Reply
    quirky. the details are great.


  • Emmyb gold member
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    wow a fantastic write for my contest. thans so much for entering this. i can see you have entered it into many others and im not surprised as its a little gem indeed.

    welcome to finalists list!

  • ea silver member
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    aw, this is very entertaining in its colloquial details - it seems like it's about a Hanson cab driver, perhaps - not sure, but you need to add a splash of color to that old horse's back, methinks.


  • Heroesrox
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    DANG! This thing was in loads of contests! I hope it wins in the horse one, though, because it's a great piece! Keep up the great work.


  • Gay-Militant
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    i like it because in a way it isnt saying everything, but it just blatantly states everything. nice job. good luck.


  • sanguigno
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    ummmm okay? i dont know what to think about this. its.. strange ill give you that..

    thanks for entering


  • Symphony
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wow lol, I can see that a lot of people do like this poem - by the amount of trophies that it has won

    It wouldn't be entirely be alley at all - I don't feel that I can actually [understand] this poem, if that can make any sense to you at all - but then, I do like my reading simple

    Thank you for entering, and supporting however


  • RedAquarius
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    Delightful imagery (mauve man bag, beefy banquet) - I like the shifts in pacing, great use in line breaks - quirky and interesting.


  • ourgirlFriday
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    well, pilgrim,

    this is an interesting write - the most interesting by far that I've read. It's hard to say if the subject was viewed from another world or written in another world....imagination takes to the skies again! very intriguing....must give this one more thought

  • piccola silver member
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    it was a very interesting read although I can't claim that I understand. It did bring images to mind and used terms that made me think. thank you for entering


  • Ryno
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The imagery in this piece is so literal and descriptive that it just takes your through a story, poetically.

    This piece had me so captured after my first impression because is voice was so different from others and so interesting.

    I liked the characterization - it reminded me of a lowerclass man - low on cash, eating cheap foods, you know, the average joe; and I think you captured that perfectly and told your reasoning behind how normal and okay it is to be that guy.

    Very cool write.


  • leander Moderators member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well this is quite different from what I'm used to reading on here... And I like difference..

    Thank you for entering the contest,
    Leander


  • Ryno
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this piece interests me
    feeling it
    ~prewrites, come and get them

  • a n e s t h e s ia
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    (Bookmarking).

  • a n e s t h e s ia
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Aha. I can't think of the word.

  • Maninblack
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    When I read this I can smell Beatles lyrics in my minds olfactory system. Magical Mystery Tour with a hint of Elanor Rigby. Don't ask me to explain. I couldn't.


  • Star Shine
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So interesting, love the reference to the manpurse, and all the description. Would love to hear this recited. Congrats.


  • Mr Id
    November 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent poem once again, friend.

    Congrats.

  • Mr Id
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Um... wow!

    I won't comment, because I am sure all that can be said has been said before about this by others.

    But this is the only poem that makes me glad I haven't changed one of the criterion to 'new poems only'.

    Excellent stuff, man!

    Luck in contest to you!


  • FloridaGatorQueen silver member
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very interesting poem here. It made me think. I enjoyed the read. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    November 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry & good luck!


  • poetrandy
    November 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Fun, Different, Creative!

    Cute! Good luck in the contest!


  • mcw120588
    October 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    its well written though i fear i may have missed some of it through the culture differences.


  • starwing
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ahhh floors you never cease to amaze me... you do such wonderful  character studies... peace to you my friend...star(shzoosy...i changed my name)

  • ElectricBloom
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh anddd,

    Authors name in authors comments please?

  • ElectricBloom
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so interesting!
    I love it!
    I've never read anything quite like it.
    I love sasusage baps ^.^ I love the UKish feeling of this piece!

    Excellently written, I truly enjoyed reading this! and could probably read it over and over and never tire.

    ElectricBloom


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good piece of writing for a startits different, secondly you tell it like it is and the imagery is very clear, i just love it, especially the way it portrays the disscomfort and vulnerability of the person counting out his change, it is a sad fact that in our society, there are many who feel ill at easein their own skin, or who are on the outskirts looking in great job littlefishone


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    October 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    yO yourself! Congratulations on your well deserved silver! (My personal favorite in the contest.)


  • spazpekker
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    whoa

    first i comes in on the title

    then i looks at all the sausages and buses
    and the title was odd and the sausages and buses were too

    i think you crazy boy

    thank god


  • LadyDementia gold member
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very neat read, and so relatable! I could picture this perfectly as I read it, being in the UK made it so much easier..lol. I love how you've played with imagery throughout, really was delightful to read. Nothing at all I can add here, except agree you make the job easy

    Scores will be sent to your host at end of judging.
    Good luck


  • aboomer silver member
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yo - great images!!! I really enjoyed this! Read nicely, interesting, great visuals and wording!
    best wishes in the contest.


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, you know i like how you put it here, i mean you have a strong creative mind, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest


  • knock
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    get this bus out of 'ere butler.

    do they allow man bags on buses these days? in my day the only man who had a bag was the conductor.

    food for thought as usual me owd floor.

    nice one.


  • islekine gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Yo......lol

    As usual.....great write!
    Best wishes in the contest...
    Write on!

  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful! I really enjoyed this "slice of life". You rewarded this reader with a visually descriptive piece.

    I checked out what a sausage bap is - I am fond of sausage "subs" here in the US.

    I really have nothing to say which would improve this poem. You make my "job" easy!

    I'll post scores at the end of the contest.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi there and welcome to the POM well I am not sure about the others but this made me laugh I liked it I have not seen this theme before so it is great My score will appear at the end of the contest be well


  • cutiepie gold member
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lol...this made me sit up Had this mad image flying round my head...must have been the sausage bap or perhaps the volvo . Nice one and good luck in the contest


  • Sandygram
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Terrific Poem!!

    Your poetry is always so stunning and thoughtful. Always gets the reader's senses going. Always so original in your writing too. Thank you for sharing you talents my friend. Hope all has been well with you and the family. Sending long overdo hugs and smiles.

    Bless You,
    Sandy


  • sheltered
    September 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    great title and metaphor
    alliteration and imagery
    back in fine form i see

1 - 48 of 48