She's so lonely, her soul is bare,
the way he treats her is so unfair
she cant lie she wonders why,
why is she with that man?
i don't like him, I'm not a fan ,
she is going to be hurt again and again,
why do that to yourself? when ,
you can find someone so easily,
she could be with me,
she wears her heart on her sleeve,
she loves him so she wont leave
Author notes
garreth bellis , option 2, **Heartbroken-Headcase**
A contest entry
- First contest,Four options, i'll love you forever if you enter? by Jaffa-.
560 points, ended November 11, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - sacrifices by Carefuldelusion.
850 points, ended November 14, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is sad, and true, because many women are so willing to give up everything because they love a man. that is a true sacrifice. a stupid one, a weak one,but who am I to judge love. There is someone for everyone. Thank you, this was a refreshing take on what I wanted in my contest.
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I adore this poem. It makes me cry every time i read it! I didn't really think that the background suited the seriousness of the poem but yeah. I especially liked when you put 'she wears her heart on her sleeve, she loves him so she wont leave' that bit tuggs so hard on my heartstrings every time thats the part that gets me! Good luck Garreth!!
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this is beautiful and soooo sad gl
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I love this poem and you know i love it! You need to put what option you chose and the other stuff i asked you to put in your authors notes please
and then i'll look more closly and give you a more interesting comment
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Keep talking to her. you make this sound so real.
Wonderful write and so true of so many.
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Welcome To Allpoetry
Hi garreth
It's hard when you see someone in this situation because you just want them to open their eyes and see they deserve so much better. You have written a piece that so many of us can relate with.
Poetry is always read a lot better when there is no chat speak because chat speak takes away the smoothness and depth of the poem, apart from that you have expressed yourself well.
Keep writing
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This is the story of many lives, but it's your own personal definition of love. Is it to take the good with the bad, or to simply lay down and die? Many would say there is a fine line; I agree. I think you began well and ended it well, but I do believe it could be polished up a bit. I would work on the grammar, simple spelling mistakes, and the absence of chat lingo. While it can work strategically for some poems, I don't think it works with this one, so I would suggest changing "u" to "you." Also, I suggest adding question marks where plausible. It would offer a nice break in the poem, offering the reader a moment to pause instead of feeling like the entire poem is a run-on. It'd really help the form.
Overall, really nice work. It's nice to read something that has a deep feeling to it.
Write on,
Smiling
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