I’m sick of being an elevator; surely I have a purpose, do I not
the people are so rude. Not even thank you
Greeting friends and colleagues inside me:
morning, afternoon, good evening; oblivious to my needs
Oh don’t mind me, I’m just an aluminium servant
you press I come, you go, I close my doors.
Here he is, hate this one, with his sly kicks and hurtful remarks
lifts slow today.oh come on. Bloody useless thing “I hear you”
I’ll let you into a secret; it’s purposely planned for your arrogance
now this one’s completely different, she’s quite nice: rubbing against me
And she smells nice, I think of her as a personal deodoriser
welcomed after some unscrupulous children
Devoid of good old fashioned potty training
well I must keep on. 10th floor here I go
One more thing I don’t like heights.
Author notes
POW CONTEST.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1500 points, ended October 5, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Hehe a lift that doesn't like heights...nice touch! I found this a very nice light hearted read, with some great personification. I do like the title, matches your theme very well. The hateful one made me laugh, sounds like me when I'm in a hurry, tho why we shout at them I don't know, not like they'll answer and hurry up..lol. You kept the theme strong throughout, tho it is more tell than show...something to maybe watch out for in future. I hear you with the spelling, being in the UK as well I have had some confusion myself...even double checking things I knew were right. So will be checking out the link you left, as I didn't know there were 2 spellings of aluminium. Over all a very enjoyable read.
Scores will be sent to your host at end of judging.
Good luck
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HI
Thank you for your kind remarks,myself i'm not out to be a poet laureat,nor will I be,but as long as there are people like you with encouragig remarks I will keep writing.
p.s i'll let you into a little secret i'm dyslexic
KEVIN X -
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Your welcome I really enjoyed this one, the theme is perfect for the PO's. My son is also dyslexic, he has had to work that little bit harder at things for sure.
Good luck
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Aluminum is spelled wrong.
Clever personification of an elevator. Good focus, well sustained. Lots of personification poems this time.
The punctuation and sentence endings are off. Line 1 should end with a question mark, line 2 begin with a capital letter, for example. There are other errors as well. Watch for run on sentences.
This is written in a casual, conversational tone which is very charming.
Center alignment does not help this. No theme in the authors note, "POW" instead of "POM".
Scores will follow at end of contest.
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HI
Thank you for your comments,again i would like to point out to one and all.i live in the u.k and regards to the spelling will people please please remember it differs! I will not change my spell check to an American version, as I do not want to lose my UK identity. Hope you can understand this.i have enclosed
a useful link
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_and_British_English_spelling_differences
BEST WISHES
Kevin -
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Thank you for this article. I bookmarked it! I thought you might be from the UK,(bloody, lifts) but I did not know that aluminum was spelled differently. I learn something new every day!
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Hi there and welome to the Pom first off you needed to ut your theme in your authors notes. I did think this was interesting piece I am not to fond of the way the sentences run together they need to have some line breaks and I do not like center align. With some work this could of been alot better my score will appear at the end of the contest be well
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HI
Thank you for your constructive comments,
KEVIN
MY QUOTE FOR THE DAY
if perfection was found,what then?
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wow i really liked this!!!!!!!! Specially the part where it says "And she smells nice, I think of her as a personal dedoriser" lol
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