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jealousy of saints

in a breath’s duration

i remember

 

the soft storm

that visited me

in the night

and my urge to

walk against the wind

 

i sought refuge

with sparrows

in the constellation

of your words

 

it was then   

that i understood

the jealousy of saints,

when their scriptures

failed to be

as pure

 

In a list

A contest entry

critical comments welcomed

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Andrew Norris
    January 8

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    One of those rare poems that makes me hold my breath for a few seconds after wards to stop me choking, incredibly moving. Thank you.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    December 10, 2008

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    I don't think there is really anything that needs to be done here -

    it is succinct and yet profound, your emotion carries beautifully and effortlessly.

    Wonderful writing


  • Oisin silver member
    October 20, 2008

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    In your poem you have taken the sensation of love, the consciousness of your heart and again made it something spiritual and yourself a devout follower of such wonderful awareness.

    Another, as always incredible write.

  • Alexis-Rueal
    October 6, 2008

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    Wonderful

    Beautiful. As always, Saffron, quite beautiful. I don't even know what could be changed in this poem. Every word is where it needs to be. You did AJ proud. Bravo.


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    October 5, 2008

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    this is so beautiful, thank you for writing for this contest, i am beyond grateful


    al


  • Cat
    October 4, 2008

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    in a breath's duration...
    that is such a beautiful way to start this lovely tribute to al..

    thank you so much
    Mary


  • lunarlunacy
    October 1, 2008

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    Beautifully crafted, and interlaced with vivid imagery. The third stanza just left my mouth agape and my mind on fire.


  • marc creamore
    September 27, 2008

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    Ah . . . so soft and beautifully penned Saffron. The last stanza is simply stunning . . . I don't know what else to say, except that this was written from a mind and heart born within the pure womb of poetics . . .

    Marc


    • Saffron gold member
      September 27, 2008
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      Marc--I don't know what to say. That is one of the most wonderful comments I have ever received. Thank you so much

      Saffron


  • S A Adelmann
    September 27, 2008
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  • tara wilson gold member
    September 27, 2008

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    I love this, esp. S3, a beautiful, beautiful dedication poem!



  • Lugh
    September 27, 2008

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    Wow.
    This is brilliant. I love the second stanza, and the last. This is sparse, but very effective, and the overall resonance is perfect. The title, and the final image are both inspired. I know exactly what you mean.

    A great peice, thank you.

    • Saffron gold member
      September 27, 2008
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      Thank you--you honor me with your kind words

      Saffron


  • Jersene gold member
    September 27, 2008

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    I love

    "in the constellation
    of your words"

    this is lovely poetry. It's emotions speaks through your wonderful imagery. Enjoyed

    • Saffron gold member
      September 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for the lovely compliment

      Saffron


  • Nicolette gold member
    September 27, 2008

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    "in the constellation
    of your words"

    Loved this! Simply beautiful poetry and perfect for this contest. Such a soft voice here, but so very powerful.

    ~ Nicolette

1 - 23 of 23